A little better...

Well, yesterday was a little better, but still hard. I woke up in the morning and I new Karsen was gone, but I saw some of his blankets bundled up in his crib and I had to do a double take to make sure he was not there. I started to cry when I was folding all of his little clothes and putting them away. I think it is just the little things that got to me yesterday. Cleaning bottles and putting them in the cupboard, wondering when they will be getting use again. It has been amazingly difficult, but I am grateful for this experience. During those past few days when I had the opportunity to be a Mom, I had more fulfillment in life than I have had in a long time. Although it was just a lot of changing diapers, feeding Karsen, and a couple sleepless nights, but I loved every minute of it. So to all you mom's out there, be grateful for those sleepless nights with your baby because it just means that you are a mother!
It has been very humbling to me to be the recipient of so many prayers! I never had so many people praying for us and I have truly felt every single prayer and have been lifted up. Thank you again so much! The other day when I was reading my scriptures, I was reminded of a prayer I had said about a year ago, "Heavenly Father, please help me to know my Savior better." As I thought about this prayer, I realize that every trial we go through helps us to know our Savior better, helps us to turn to Him, helps us to realize how much love He has for us and continually shaping our life for the better. I know blessings await us! I am just hoping sooner than later!

Update...

I know a lot of people have been wondering what has been going on with our adoption over the past few days so I thought I would just let everyone know. On Saturday, Cassie went into labor and so we went down to the hospital and were with Cassie all through her contractions and then stepped just outside the room so we could hear Karsen when he arrived. She delivered Karsen on the 24th around 4:00pm. The pediatrician said, "Here Mom and Dad "and put Karsen's footprint on one of our hands. I was able to give Karsen his first feeding and the cute nurse let us give Karsen his first bath. He loved the water! Our families came up and we took pictures with them and Karsen. We stayed at the hospital until late that night and then came up the following morning. We left at about 5:00pm and were planning on bringing home Karsen on monday evening after signing all the papers. We hadn't heard anything monday afternoon and finally around 3:00PM, we were told that Cassie was having a difficult time signing the papers and was thinking about parenting. Our caseworker took us into her office and told us Cassie was thinking about parenting and as a last option, Cassie had agreed upon temporary foster care, which means for the next 3 days, she was going to act as if she had placed and Karsen was going to come home with us and if Cassie wanted him back at any time, she could just let the agency know. We really didn't want to do the temporary foster care, because we knew it would be even more difficult if she decided to parent, but we also didn't want Karsen to go to another family for 3 days. The next few days were really difficult. Many people wanted to bring dinners over and come visit the baby and we had to just tell people that we were not having visitors over right now and we figured we would just deal with telling people what happened later. Even though I knew he would be leaving soon, I still dressed him in all of the cutest outfits I had. I would bawl when Ron would lay him on the bed and just play with him and talk to him. We tried to make sure we didn't bond too much (which happened anyway) and we were just waiting for him to be taken away, which he was taken away about 1 and 1/2 hours ago. It has been very difficult, but I have learned so many things from this trial also. I can talk about this now, because I don't think there are any tears left:) I learned that whenever Ron and I do get the chance to be parents, that we work together really well. I learned that Ron will be such an amazing father. I was up with Karsen last night for a few hours and Ron woke up and took a turn so that I could get some sleep and I saw him reading "Goodnight Moon" to Karsen last night also. He will be a great Daddy one day! I also have a new appreciation for my husband. I don't know why we are having such a difficult time starting our family, but I realized that before they come and hopefully long after they leave our home, Ron still will be right by my side and being my support. I know we will have a family some day, and now again I must learn patience and trust in my Heavenly Father. I know he will bless us with children one day! I am so grateful for our amazing friends and family. We are very grateful for your prayers, your children's prayers, and those that fasted for us. We have truly been overwhelmed with your love and support and have been buoyed up. THANK YOU!!

Happy Birthday Ron....

Happy Birthday Ron! Today is his 33rd birthday! Ron truly is such an amazing husband and I could have never dreamed of being married to someone who is such a strength as Ron has been to me. I never thought I could love someone so much and we have only been married for about 2 and 1/2 years. He works so hard in everything he does. When I am down about something, he always finds a way to cheer me up and helps me to see what I can learn from my trials. He helps me to develop my talents and is kind and patient with me. He is very talented and very smart! He makes me laugh everyday and sometimes we think we are SO funny! He loves to serve everyone around him and has been blessed so much by obedience to the Lord. Ron, I love you and hope you have a wonderful birthday!!

Youth Spectacular.....

This past friday, Cassie and I went to the youth spectacular at weber state university. It really was an amazing event, besides the fact that it was blasting hot and we were sweating to death! I felt really bad because I cannot imagine being in that hot weather at 8 1/2 months pregnant and I didn't even bring enough money for Cassie and I to get a drink. So I felt really bad!
It was pretty neat to see 3,000 youth on the football field. I guess these types of productions only occur every 10 years or so. The youth perform for the prophet which is pretty neat! I guess the prophet spoke on Saturday night and so we didn't get to listen to him, which is a bummer! It was really inspiring to me to see all of these amazing youth that truly do try to follow our Savior everyday! At the beginning of the performance, they had the youth in white costumes running past each other. The narrator talked about the war in heaven and it was just neat to picture all of these youth and the strength they had up there and the strength they have now on earth! I just pictured Karsen up in heaven and now coming down to earth and the strength that he will have! Heavenly Father truly entrusts us with his precious children to teach them and guide them back to Him.

Ogden, utah Missionaries

9 days to go.....

I can't believe there is only 9 days to go before Karsen is born! Maybe even less. Cassie really wishes she would go into labor sooner than later! She is a little miserable with this hot weather! I have a constant to do list and it has been so much fun! I painted Karsen's room and I love it! I would post a picture, but I don't want to until we have everything set up! I am so excited! Yes, we are running our tails off trying to get everything done, but hopefully we will be successful! Tomorrow we plan on getting the carpets cleaned and then we can put up his crib and get everything set up! Our living room is pretty hilarious right now! It really is like baby land and I love it! So last night we had a lot of fun! We went to dinner with Cassie and my Dad and I loved it! I love that we are getting so close to Cassie and can talk about anything! I was really excited for Cassie to meet my Dad. He is the cutest little Japanese man in the whole world and he is funny:) Jan, had a bruised kidney, so she had to stay home. ( I hope you feel better!) It's kind of funny because my dad knows everyone and so Cassie and my Dad talked about people that they knew for quite a while. It was a lot of fun and I can't believe Karsen will be coming so soon!

Soon to be a mom...

I had a friend recently ask me what I was most excited about with Karsen coming soon. I told her that I think I am most excited to put all of these nurturing, mothering, and loving desires that I have had all my life to work and become the mom I have always hoped I would be. Whenever one of my nieces sleeps over, she wakes up in the middle of the night and she just wants me to hold her and then she falls back asleep. I think it is those little things. Sure, you do not get any sleep, but I love that she knew she was safe and could fall back asleep. I can't wait to be a mom and be that comfort and safenet and loving mom that Karsen can always come to. I have always wanted to be a Mom and I truly cannot wait to love Karsen with all my heart! I love all of the children that are around us, but I am so excited to finally be the mom of Karsen that we can love with no restrictions, holding back nothing! Love truly changes people and I know Karsen will truly change me. Right now, I feel like I have so much love in my heart and I love that I can love Ron unconditionally and I am so excited to be able to love Karsen unconditionally. There are so many things I am excited for, but loving Karsen is what I am most excited for!

My Sweet Hubby and the baby shower..

I seriously have the greatest boss in the world. I am not sure if that is what I would call her because she is such an amazing friend, but anyway, Kristie is so sweet! She threw me a baby shower at work and it was so much fun! We have the most amazing clients in the world. They are so kind, generous, and beautiful might I add! Karsen received so many cute outfits and blankets and many other things! Thanks you so much Kristie for everything you did for Karsen and I and thank you also to all of our wonderful clients and friends! I really appreciate it! These are just some of all the outfits we received!

One of my favorite clients... Jill and her cute daughter Saige.

Another wonderful client.. Marci

Such amazing friends and clients... Jen and Kim and their cute kids

The sweetest person and the owner of the pilates studio... Kristie

The fruit was so yummy!

So I came home early from California on Friday night because Kristie was throwing me a baby shower at the pilates studio on Sat. afternoon. So I have to admit that this was the first time that I was going to fly by myself and I was a little bit nervous. Yes, I have been spoiled. Whenever Ron and I fly anywhere, he always checks us both in, takes my luggage to where it is supposed to go, makes sure I have my boarding pass and ID and tells me where I need to go. For example, when we flew into LA on monday morning, he was carrying both of our luggage and his racquetball bag on his back and he just asked me to carry one of his rackets that would not fit in his bag and to try to keep up with him. So now that you have a good picture of how I am in airports, I was a little nervous flying home. The plan was that if Ron was had a game, he was going to put me on a cab and I was going to try to figure out the airport stuff. Well, he ended up driving me to the airport and then checking me in and taking my luggage to wherever it was supposed and again, made sure I had my boarding pass and ID ready for security! Yes, I am pathetic, but I am grateful for my wonderful husband!

Cali cont....

So the main reason we went to Cali was for Ron and Rick to play in the World Outdoor Racquetball tourney. We had a lot of fun while we were there! I loved Huntington Beach and I got pretty burnt! We had so much fun on the beach and I loved all the little shops on the pier. Ron and Jessie playing in the sand!

Rick and Ron in their doubles game.

Here are some videos of Rick and Adella's kids at the beach. We loved vacationing with their family! We are grateful for good friends who are great people! Savannah loved the Shamu show and would get so excited whenever you would say Shamu.

California....

This past week, we went to California and it was a lot of fun! I have never been to SeaWorld, so I was prett excited! I always wanted to have a pet dolphin for a pet, but it never happened. At least I got to pet the dolphin, which I was pretty excited about!

These are baby killer whales!
The Shamu show! Which I loved! We went to the dolphin show and got soaked! We sat up a little bit higher for the Shamu Show.

Manna Rays!

Buluga Whales! I thought the muscles in their back were awsome! Now I finally understand what the song "Baby Buluga" is about!

WE had a lot of fun and I cannot wait to take Karsen their!

Update on our adoption...

Just wanted everyone to know that Cassie is doing really well! A few weeks ago, she came into the office and all of Ron's assistants got to see her and they keep telling me that Ron and I are going to have a cute baby boy because Cassie is so pretty! I agree completely with all of them! Anyway, Cassie is doing really well. She said Karsen is about 5 lbs now and is about 19 1/2 inches long. So that means that Karsen will be about as tall as me at about age 6. Ha ha, not really, but probably by age 8:) We still cannot believe that we get to be parents soon and that Karsen will be here.
This past week, Cassie, my mom, and I went to see Eclipse and it was a lot of fun! Cassie told me that anytime the movie got really loud that Karsen would start moving. She says that he never stops moving. I am so excited to hold the little wiggle worm! If anybody has not yet heard the song by Michael McLean, "From God's Arms to My Arms to Yours", you should look it up and listen to it! It is amazing and I start crying every time I listen to it! Thanks Cass for everything!

Baby Shower....

Saturday, we had our first baby shower and it was so much fun! Ron's Mom and sister decorated everything SO cute! Lincoln and Jackson also helped put all the animals on the table. Karsen's room is going to be a jungle so they did a jungle theme. It was so nice seeing all of our family and friends and I was overwhelmed with their generosity! Truly Karsen is loved by so many people! He got so many cute things! Lincoln decided that the monkeys should go here because they were trying to eat the rolls:)

The fruit was amazing. Again, the decorations were so cute!

Lincoln also decided that the giraffes were trying to eat the cupcakes. You cannot see the rhinos because Lincoln said they were hiding in the back:)

Yummy M&M's that people could take home!

Again, as you can see, the bears were trying to eat the OREO's balls. I have never had one, but everyone says that these treats are the best!

As you can see, Linda is amazing at organizing and decorating for events! Thanks Linda for everything!

A Fun Friday Night!!

So Friday night, we had our neighbor kids over and it was a lot of fun! Well, I have to back up for a minute and say how earlier that day, I had seen the boys outside playing and so I filled up some water balloons to throw at them, but they had gone inside by the time I went out to get them. I had kept checking to see if they were outside all day, but they never came. Finally, they came over to our house later on and I threw the balloon so that I just got the boys wet instead of Ron. Yes, I am a considerate wife:) Well, in the meantime, Brooke and I went outside on the deck and Ron came running from in the house and pelted me right in the back with the balloon and soaked me. It splashed all over me and Brooke! Thanks Ron!! He felt pretty bad about getting Brooke so wet and made sure to dry off her hair. We took the kids on the new nature trail and we pretended we were crossing the "Bridge to Terabithia." When we got back to the house the kids and I filled up water balloons and ambushed Ron and Keiko. It was a lot of fun, but Ron still did not get wet! Bummer! Then we watched the Bridge to Terabithia and popped some popcorn. It was a fun night!