February 19th, 2015- Placement Day

  It was amazing to me how all the stresses and worries were taken away and all I felt was peace, comfort, and excitement. This was truly our Heavenly Father's grace working in my life. I have been praying for a long time that Heavenly Father's grace would be upon Lizzie when it came time to relinquish her rights. I love the definition of grace in the Bible dictionary, "The main idea of the word grace is divine means of help or strength, given through the bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ..........It is likewise through the grace of the Lord that individuals, through faith in the Atonement of Jesus Christ, receive strength and assistance to do good works that they otherwise would not be able to to maintain if left to their own means. This grace is an enabling power that allows men and women to lay hold on eternal life and exaltation after they have expended their own best efforts."
I knew that Lizzie had done everything she could possibly do to prepare herself and to be able to relinquish her rights when the time came. I know I have talked about grace before, but I have such a strong testimony of grace and the "strengthening and enabling power" that Heavenly Father can bestow upon us after we have done all that we can do. Placing your baby for adoption has to be one of the most difficult things somebody will ever do in their life and so I prayed that Heavenly Father would bless Lizzie with this grace.

As we got to the hospital, I was filled with so much excitement and love, but also heartache for Lizzie. It's difficult to be excited when you know someone you love is hurting. There were a few hiccups along the way, but around 12:00pm, the papers were signed and we knew for sure that Ren would be a part of our family. To be truthful, I couldn't quite wrap my head and my heart around what had just happened. I had been praying for this moment for months, but once it happened, I think I was almost in shock. I wasn't by Ron so I went and found him and told him everything was signed, but he was in shock as well. We were not sure how Lizzie was doing or even if we would see her that day. We were not sure if she would be okay with actually placing him in my arms or how placement would occur. Lizzie came out with Ren and Ron and I just went over to her and hugged her and bawled. I can't quite put into words what that moment was like except I wanted to take away all the pain and hurt. It is overwhelming to see that kind of love. The thought that comes to mind is self sacrifice. Christlike sacrifice. I feel that there are a handful of things that amounts to this type of love and sacrifice. After we cried together for a few minutes, Lizzie wanted to spend a little while with Ren before we actually took him home and so Ron and I went down to the cafeteria to get something to eat. When we came up, Lizzie was ready for us to come into her room and get ready to take Ren. When she placed him in my arms, I wanted to cry, but she was smiling and you could tell she felt peace in what she was doing. She demonstrated strength, grace, selflessness, and faith that  I have never seen before. Something that she also gave us was that chance to be excited. It's really difficult to be excited for your new baby when you know the birth mother is grieving, but for that short moment, she gave us that gift to see that she felt peace so that we could walk out of that hospital with Ren excited for our new baby boy. She truly defined grace and strength. Before we left when I gave Lizzie a hug, she whispered to me, "I'm so glad he has you". What a gift!!

I also have to mention something that is pretty neat. Lizzie had picked out an outfit for Ren to go home with us in. Interesting thing is that I had picked out that exact same outfit to bring to the hospital in case Lizzie didn't bring an outfit for him to go home in. Coincidence......I think not!! Ren actually peed all over his outfit right before we were getting ready to leave and so I was able to pull out the outfit I brought. He actually ended up wearing them both!

I have to mention how grateful I am for Lizzie's mom. She has such a quiet strength about her that is so comforting. I know it is a strength that comes from years of faith and reliance on our Heavenly Father. She has been such a support to Lizzie during her entire pregnancy and especially at the end when she was in the hospital with Lizzie and after placement. I am very grateful, not only for the chance to meet her, but also for her prayers, her faith, her love, and her steadiness. She truly is unwavering! She has been an angel and we love her so much!!!

On our way home from the hospital, the wall finally came down and our hearts were overflowing with love for our sweet baby boy. We still couldn't wrap our minds around the fact that he was really ours and that nobody could take him away, but our love for him grew every second.  I was filled with overwhelming love and gratitude as I watched Ren sleep during his first ride home. He was actually coming home.
I have so much more to write, but I will finish this post tonight....

Feb 17,2015

This past week seems like a dream. Last Monday, Lizzie wasn't feeling real well and realized that she was starting to have contractions. A few hours later, she texted us and told us that she was headed to the hospital. After being at the hospital for hours, they discharged her with some pain meds to help her get through the night. We were praying that Lizzie would have a healthy pregnancy and that her and Ren would be safe. I kept checking my phone and finally went to bed around 12:30am.  I didn't see Liz's text, but she was admitted into the hospital at 1:45am. When I saw her text in the morning, at 7:30am she was fully dilated and she texted us that it was "Go Time"! She thought Ren would be here between 8:00-9:00am so I was just waiting by my phone. 8:00 passed, 9:00 passed, 10:00 passed, 11:00 passed, and we finally needed to head to the grocery story to get something for Reese's preschool before dropping her off at school.  Ron called me when we were grocery shopping and while I was talking to him, he said, "We just got a picture". My heart stopped for a minute before opening up the text. I couldn't believe he was actually here. We received a text that said that Ren was born at 10:50am and weighed 7lbs 12oz., and that he was perfect!  My heart completely melted as I saw the first picture of Ren. He really was perfect! 

I was so excited, but wasn't sure what to do next. I knew that Lizzie would be exhausted and we wanted to give her some space, but I was really anxious to know how much to contact her over the next 48 hours. I think one the strengths between Lizzie, Ron, and I has always been our ability to communicate and so not being able to communicate wither over the next 12 hours was a little difficult. More than anything, I just wanted to make sure she was okay physically and make sure that she knew we loved her. Not that we just told her, but that she felt it.  I was pretty sure she was sleeping, but your mind starts to think the worst and all the fears of every failed placement comes to mind. Our relationship with Lizzie has been the longest pre-placement and so it was just scary at the thought of this adoption not working out, but every time a doubt would  creep in, the quote by Pres Uchtdorf would come to mind, "Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith". Gratefully, Lizzie texted us later that night and we were able to get caught up on a few things and also arrange to come visit the following night. By the next day, Satan was in full force causing whatever confusion and doubt he could. The next day, I could feel the anxiety building and I knew that we just needed to get down to the hospital and talk to Lizzie. By noon, I felt that we needed to get down there as soon as possible and Ron agreed and tried to arrange his schedule to finish work early. Without going into every detail, there was a lot of things that we had to talk about and as we talked, the spirit was so strong. I felt like there was a clarity and peace that came over all of us as we talked.  Before going to bed, I still had some anxieties, fears, and worries that were weighing heavy on my mind, as I'm sure Lizzie had as well. Ron and I knew that we had done all that we could possibly do and that we needed to just leave the rest to Heavenly Father. My final prayer was that Heavenly Father's will would be done and I went to sleep. In the  In the morning when we woke up, Ron asked me how I was feeling and I told him I felt as if all the stresses, worries, fears, and anxieties were taken off my shoulders and I was filled with peace and excitement...............(continue on next post) 

Happy Valentine's Day!!

 Happy Valentine's Day was such a great day! Ron and I celebrated Valentine's Day the weekend before because we were not sure if baby Ren would be here by Valentine's Day. I wish I had taken a cute picture of the two of us to post, but I HATE taking pictures of myself and so it is the last thing I think of doing. I love my hubby though and every year that I am married to him gets better and better. Our Valentine's Day plans had changed and so we ended up having a great Valentine's day at home. Ron decided to take the girl's out on a double date and so he asked them ahead of time and they were so excited for their date with Daddy. Reese and I made chocolate covered strawberries and I made Sushi and Ron's favorite cake for their date. Reese was so funny! She was taking a shower and I asked her if she was ready to get out and she yells, "Yeah! I'm almost ready for my date"! She picked out a fancy dress to wear and Reese and Nora were so excited for Ron to knock on the door.

The video that I recorded melted my heart. It seriously was the best gift to watch Ron take our girls on their first double date. Watching Ron treat our girls like little princesses just made me love him even more. I think that is how our relationship is. We don't go on a lot of extravagant vacations and have amazing pictures of all the places we have been together, but it is the everyday things that strengthen our marriage. It is the hugs and kisses when he gets home from work, it is the squeals I hear from the girls every time he walks in the door, it is doing laundry and dishes together, playing candyland, playing soccer, and family hugs. It's just the smalls things day by day that strengthen our marriage and our family. I love it.

 This is Ron's favorite cake. It is 2 round chocolate cakes that are cut in half and then has cool whip and bananas in the layers. Then frosted with chocolate frosting.

 Nora loved her Sushi and is getting really good at using her chopsticks

 This was so funny because a while ago, I told Reese that my Dad would buy us Kid Cuisines when I was a little girl and so every time Reese sees a Kid Cuisine commercial, she wants to try one. On Friday night, Ron got the girls Kid Cuisines to try.

Nesting, Nesting, Nesting......

So the last few weeks I have been nesting like crazy. I don't actually know what the correct definition is for nesting, but in terms of preparing as well as I can, that is what I am doing. I have cleaned the carpets, cleaned and organized pantries, closets, and the fridge. I have sanitized anything that might be near the baby, and tried to keep up with all the normal cleaning so we will be ready at any moment to bring him home. It's so cute to me that when I usually ask Reese if she will help me clean something, she will politely decline with, "I'm fine, thanks!" LOL!  Lately, when I would ask Reese to help me clean the house to get it ready for Ren, Reese would jump right in and was so excited. It was fun to just clean and talk with her.

I have also tried to go to every appointment I need for the next 6 months so those are all out of the way...
Dentist Appt-check (You would be amazed how difficult it is for us to get to these ones. I'm being serious:)
OB yearly- check
Dr appts- check
Visited friends and grandparents-check
Visiting Teaching- check
It seemed like there was more, but maybe I am just lazy and it seemed like a lot at the time that I was making these appointments. ha ha!

Another part of preparation for me has been taking the girls out to do as much as we can. I know that when Ren is born, we won't be going out very much  so I have really tried to take the girls to the Treehouse, to the park, and have more play dates.  I have been really trying to spend more one on one time with Reese and Nora and it has been a lot of fun! Reese and I have spent more one on one time baking, playing candyland, drawing, and just watching a show together. When Reese goes to preschool, Nora and I have been able to spend one on one time together and it has been so fun! She is hilarious to be around and makes everything a game! Nora has the ability to make grocery shopping fun! She sings a song when she walks up the stairs and makes you laugh so much at bedtime that I want to rock in her rocking chair with her all night.

It has been so nice for Ron and I as we have been preparing for baby Ren. We have grown so much closer as we have prayed and fasted for Ren and Lizzie. Our couples prayer has become so much more meaningful and powerful!  As Ron and I have talked more about our hopes for Ren, we have drawn closer to each other. As we have prayed as a family for Ren and Lizzie, our family has become stronger. It melts my heart every time I hear Reese pray about her little brother. It has been such a neat experience as we have prepared for baby Ren. The Spirit is so strong and I truly feel the hand of Lord guiding us. He is one loved baby boy!

We are praying that the birth father will relinquish his rights in the next couple of days so that everything will be ready for Ren. After fasting and a lot of prayer today, I have had an overwhelming feeling that all will be well. Heavenly Father is in control and I just need to trust in Him.  Miracles to come this next week!

Reese's first Valentine party...

I saw these "Awesomesauce" valentines on studio 5 and thought they were adorable. Reese and I always laugh at the awesome sauce commercials so she thought this was a great idea. 

 Reese was really excited for her Valentine party at preschool and wanted me to take some pictures of her. She always cracks me up when she starts her poses. They are the best!

 Sorry I didn't rotate this next picture. I thought these Valentine's were adorable!

 On Tuesday, Reese had show and tell and she decided that she wanted to make cards for everyone in her class. It was so cute as she asked me to help her write all of the kid's names and she decorated all the envelopes. I bet she spent at least an hour on all of these cards. It was awesome because spent a lot of time practicing writing her letter which is always nice when she does that willingly:) She really has the best heart and constantly thinks of others. Her daily acts of kindness bless all those around her.

Sisterly love...

Happily Ever After....

"Happily ever after is not something found only in fairy tales. You can have it! Your own wondrous story has already begun. Your once upon a time is now."  -Dieter F. Uchtdorf

I came across this quote the other day and it fit perfectly with some of the thoughts I have had lately. I have always been raised  with the mentality that you can be as happy as you want to be. If you are not happy with something in your life, change it. It doesn't do any good to complain about things, so just change something. As we have been preparing for Ren, I have been trying to make sure that our home is a place that is worthy of this pure perfect spirit. The quote above is really just stating what the atonement does in our daily life. I have been praying to know how to use my time wisely and how to bring about the greatest happiness in our family. As I strive to listen to the spirit, I have been able to get more done throughout the day, give the girls my undivided attention, and spend more one on one time with them. I have been prompted of when my girls need one on one time and have been blessed with greater understanding of what is going on when one of them throws a tantrum. It seems like I have so much more time do focus on the things that matter most. 

I have also been filled with greater love for Ron. I feel like in our marriage as well, we can be as happy as we want to be. And I want the fairy tale:) I am so grateful for my amazing husband that does so much for our family. On Saturday, I went to the temple, and when I came home, Ron had washed and vacuumed out my car. This seems like such a little things, but it is huge to me. I have had this on my list of things to get done before Ren gets here and Ron must have seen my list and did this for me. The girls were so excited to surprise me as well. I don't really care about gifts, flowers, but I feel loved when my husband washes my car. Ron and I have talked a lot about what kind of example of a marriage we want our children to have and we want them to have the fairy tale as well. We have strived to do the little things each and every day that will bring about the greatest happiness in our spouse. In stake conference last weekend, one of the councelors in the stake presidency stated that, "One of the greatest things that our children can hear is their mother and father praising each other." I loved that and we have been trying to do that more. It's amazing to think about, but there are endless things that we can do for our spouse, our children, and our own self that can bring about greater happiness than we can ever imagine. That is the life that I want for myself and for my family. The atonement is real and it inspires us and motivates us to be better and to live in that "better world." I love my family and I feel so blessed everyday to be a mother and wife. It truly brings me greater joy than I have ever imagined!!

Spiritually charged.....

Can I just say that I love the Ogden temple! I truly think of it as "my temple". When I go there, I truly feel a sense of coming home. Since the Ogden temple has been re-dedicated, I truly have to take a moment to enjoy the beauty of temple every time I attend. It is even more glorious inside. 

This past week, we received news that the birth father was wanting  50/50 custody and that we would not be able to adopt Ren unless the birth father relinquishes his rights.  The amazing thing about hearing this news is that I just felt an overwhelming peace. I wasn't worried at all that the birth father would stop this adoption. Heavenly Father's hand is involved  and I have complete faith in Him. I know that one powerful thing that we can do is go to the temple, fast, and pray. I have such a testimony of these three things. Whenever I go to the temple, it seems like Heavenly Father changes my perspective and helps me focus on the eternities and the things that matter most. My desires change, my prayers change, and I go to work to become even better than I was the day before. As I sat in the Celestial room just talking with Heavenly Father, I felt such an overwhelming feeling of peace and love. He is the Father of us all and He is in control. He loves baby Ren more than any of us He wants his precious baby son to come back to him one day and He wants him to grow up in an eternal family. Heavenly Father knows Ren and I know He is with him right now. I love that! There are a lot of things that I cannot control, but I can have complete faith in the One that is in control. I came out of the temple with an excitement and greater joy for the sweet baby boy that will soon be joining our family. He has motivated me to be better in so many areas of my life. As I have yearned to feel close to Ren and feel the Spirit, I have been changed. As we have anxiously awaited the arrival of Ren, I find myself going to the temple more, studying my scriptures with greater intent, and trying to change anything that I feel can bring about the greater happiness of my family.  This little guy is already changing our family for the better!

Becoming Van Gogh

Reese had her first preschool art show on Friday and it was truly AMAZING! I was so impressed with all of the artwork done by 3 and 4 year olds.  Reese's teacher had posted this picture on instagram with a little description of what instruction the students receive.

I was so proud of Reese for following the verbal instructions. She sometimes has a difficult time concentrating and we have been working on her confidence in doing things by herself.  When I saw the picture that her teacher had posted, Reese said, "That is my picture!" I honestly couldn't believe that she painted that. I told her how amazing it was and how proud I was. When I Reese a hug, she was beaming! It breaks my heart when Reese doesn't have confidence in herself and we have been working hard on helping her get her confidence back. This past week, Reese has been counting down the days until her art show and was really excited to invite her cousin to come see her artwork as well. Reese said she wanted to look "fancy" for her art show and so she put on her Great Grandma's clip on earrings! They looked darling on her!

Nora is always Reese's biggest fan and loves to cheer Reese on at anything that she does. Every time somebody would take a picture of Reese, Nora would give Reese a hug. 

 Nora's necklace cracks me up! I'm not sure how she got her necklace like that:)

Reese's little friend Madden! These two are hilarious together! We carpool to preschool and the days that I drive are so entertaining. Every time we are driving, we are actually on a roller coaster in Disneyland and we wave out the window to all of the Disney characters we can think of.  It's great!