February 19th, 2015- Placement Day

  It was amazing to me how all the stresses and worries were taken away and all I felt was peace, comfort, and excitement. This was truly our Heavenly Father's grace working in my life. I have been praying for a long time that Heavenly Father's grace would be upon Lizzie when it came time to relinquish her rights. I love the definition of grace in the Bible dictionary, "The main idea of the word grace is divine means of help or strength, given through the bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ..........It is likewise through the grace of the Lord that individuals, through faith in the Atonement of Jesus Christ, receive strength and assistance to do good works that they otherwise would not be able to to maintain if left to their own means. This grace is an enabling power that allows men and women to lay hold on eternal life and exaltation after they have expended their own best efforts."
I knew that Lizzie had done everything she could possibly do to prepare herself and to be able to relinquish her rights when the time came. I know I have talked about grace before, but I have such a strong testimony of grace and the "strengthening and enabling power" that Heavenly Father can bestow upon us after we have done all that we can do. Placing your baby for adoption has to be one of the most difficult things somebody will ever do in their life and so I prayed that Heavenly Father would bless Lizzie with this grace.

As we got to the hospital, I was filled with so much excitement and love, but also heartache for Lizzie. It's difficult to be excited when you know someone you love is hurting. There were a few hiccups along the way, but around 12:00pm, the papers were signed and we knew for sure that Ren would be a part of our family. To be truthful, I couldn't quite wrap my head and my heart around what had just happened. I had been praying for this moment for months, but once it happened, I think I was almost in shock. I wasn't by Ron so I went and found him and told him everything was signed, but he was in shock as well. We were not sure how Lizzie was doing or even if we would see her that day. We were not sure if she would be okay with actually placing him in my arms or how placement would occur. Lizzie came out with Ren and Ron and I just went over to her and hugged her and bawled. I can't quite put into words what that moment was like except I wanted to take away all the pain and hurt. It is overwhelming to see that kind of love. The thought that comes to mind is self sacrifice. Christlike sacrifice. I feel that there are a handful of things that amounts to this type of love and sacrifice. After we cried together for a few minutes, Lizzie wanted to spend a little while with Ren before we actually took him home and so Ron and I went down to the cafeteria to get something to eat. When we came up, Lizzie was ready for us to come into her room and get ready to take Ren. When she placed him in my arms, I wanted to cry, but she was smiling and you could tell she felt peace in what she was doing. She demonstrated strength, grace, selflessness, and faith that  I have never seen before. Something that she also gave us was that chance to be excited. It's really difficult to be excited for your new baby when you know the birth mother is grieving, but for that short moment, she gave us that gift to see that she felt peace so that we could walk out of that hospital with Ren excited for our new baby boy. She truly defined grace and strength. Before we left when I gave Lizzie a hug, she whispered to me, "I'm so glad he has you". What a gift!!

I also have to mention something that is pretty neat. Lizzie had picked out an outfit for Ren to go home with us in. Interesting thing is that I had picked out that exact same outfit to bring to the hospital in case Lizzie didn't bring an outfit for him to go home in. Coincidence......I think not!! Ren actually peed all over his outfit right before we were getting ready to leave and so I was able to pull out the outfit I brought. He actually ended up wearing them both!

I have to mention how grateful I am for Lizzie's mom. She has such a quiet strength about her that is so comforting. I know it is a strength that comes from years of faith and reliance on our Heavenly Father. She has been such a support to Lizzie during her entire pregnancy and especially at the end when she was in the hospital with Lizzie and after placement. I am very grateful, not only for the chance to meet her, but also for her prayers, her faith, her love, and her steadiness. She truly is unwavering! She has been an angel and we love her so much!!!

On our way home from the hospital, the wall finally came down and our hearts were overflowing with love for our sweet baby boy. We still couldn't wrap our minds around the fact that he was really ours and that nobody could take him away, but our love for him grew every second.  I was filled with overwhelming love and gratitude as I watched Ren sleep during his first ride home. He was actually coming home.
I have so much more to write, but I will finish this post tonight....