Thursday, September 25th, 2014

On Thursday, morning, P was planning on signing in the morning and Ron was talking to P earlier and he said she seemed great and ready to sign. Stephanie came early and she also said that P seemed ready. I got there at 10:30 and they said that P was holding Lola again and just spending some time with her. Well, the attorney got there to sign papers and P didn't want to let go of Lola to sign the papers. The attorney went in to go over the papers again and for P to relinquish her rights. The attorney was in the room with P for over 2 hours and then the social worker went in and the attorney went in and P was just stalling. Ron, Stephanie, a paralegal, and myself were waiting for over 3 hours. During that time, I had also found out that P had called the birth father during the night and sent him pictures of Lola and told him to come pick up her and Lola. He actually said no, which is sad, but a huge blessing. Finally the nurses just said that she would be discharged 48 hours after delivery which would be 4:51pm and then she would need to make a decision of whether she was going to place the baby for adoption or keep her. I was going out of my mind and was filled with more and more anxiety. I never want to put a price on a baby or bring up money, but the reality of life is that money runs out. We had already spent around $17,000 at this point and I think part of the anxiety was coming from the fact that  the lawyer charges $350/hr and he was basically just standing outside of a hospital room for hours doing nothing and this was the second time the attorneys had come up on P's request to sign papers. Like I said, you cannot put a price on a baby and it really wasn't even about the money, but it does cause some stress when you don't know if you will have enough to pay for everything. Also, if P decided to keep the baby, we would just be out this money and would need to save for another year or two to adopt. Ron just said, " It's going to be okay. If that happens, we will just put in behind us and move on." Yes, he is absolutely amazing!  I told Ron that I couldn't be at the hospital and if P didn't want to see me, I didn't need to be there. I just wanted to go pick up my girls who had been staying with grandparents, on and off, for the past 4 days.  Reese and Nora were emotionally exhausted as well and they wanted to be home and they hadn't spent any time with Ron for about 4 days. I drove home feeling emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted. I actually felt numb and couldn't even cry. I couldn't even process what was going on. I picked up Reese from preschool and she screamed my name and just ran to me and gave me the biggest hug. I put Reese in her car seat and she said, "Where's baby Lola? She's coming home today?" I just started bawling and was trying to hide it because I didn't want Reese to see me crying. Anyway, I picked up Nora and the girls and we just cuddled all the rest of the day. I didn't want to let go of them and was just so grateful for our beautiful daughters. They truly bring us so much happiness! I asked Reese, "Reesie, what's something fun we can do today? We can do whatever you want." She said, "I know, what if we go to the hospital and see baby Lola and get ice cream." I felt so bad that our girls were emotionally invested as well and they could possibly start crying if P decided to keep the baby.

So 4:51pm came around and Ron notified me that P decided to keep the baby. Ron was waiting at the hospital to try to talk to her, but she wouldn't even talk to him so Ron just came home to see Reese and Nora. He was about 5 min away from home, when he got a call from P and she said she was ready to sign the papers. Ron called the attorney and they met him at the hospital for the third time. They went over the paperwork again and were there for over 3 hours again and when it came time for P to sign, she was crying and a nurse came up to her and asked her if she needed a little break. The nurse took P away to a room and I just have to add that P was discharged and this nurse had no right to step in when P was getting legal council. At that point, P couldn't sign the papers. Ron walked back to talk to P and the nurse walked out very defensive with her claws out. Ron let her have it and just told her, " Look, this is the third time that P has called for the lawyers to come to sign these papers. I was her decision for them to be here and they have come here after hours for her. Also, P is discharged and so is the baby and it is not your job to come and get her when she is getting legal council. Then he just told her. If P can't talk to me, let her know I am going home. If she needs a ride, have her call me. I let the girls wait up for Ron to get home and they literally sat on the stairs. When he came home around 10:30pm, they ran over to him and he just held them and sobbed. After putting the girls to bed, we called the hospital to make sure that P and Lola were okay. The hospital just said that they were somewhere safe. We thought that P and Lola might be taken to a women's shelter because she didn't have any family or friends here. We didn't sleep much, but prayed about what to do and just felt that we needed to fly out P's best friend that has been her rock throughout the pregnancy. We called E'lle around 11:30pm and got her okay and then booked her a flight for 6:30am the next morning in hopes that she could find P and be able to reason with her.

On Friday morning, I was running and just felt that I needed to call Portia. I called and left a message on her phone and a few minutes later, she called back. I asked her if she and Lola were okay and asked where she was.  She said she wasn't doing good and that she was at a hotel in Clearfield. She started crying and told me that she shouldn't have taken Lola to the hotel and that she was scared and Lola didn't deserve this and she should have let her go home with us. She just kept saying that Lola shouldn't be here. I asked her if she wanted someone to come pick Lola up right now and she said yes. I assured her that it was not too late to change Lola's life and that we love her. I told her that we want to see her succeed and go back to school and get the job she wants, be married in the temple, and be happy. I told her that I was sorry that we had not had E'lle come out earlier and be there for her, but she will be there for her soon. I called my AMAZING friend Stephanie and she and her husband went and picked up Lola and took her back to her house. I didn't want Lola to come to our house before the papers were signed. I just didn't want the girls to be confused and our amazing Stephanie said she didn't mind watching Lola at her house. (I could go on and on about how amazing Stephanie is and all that she has done for us to make sure that Lola made it to our family. I actually will on a later post.)

So E'lle's flight came in around 12:30pm and she got the care we rented for her and drove down and picked up Portia and they spent some time together and then went down to the attorney's office to sign papers. Around 5:00pm, we received a text from E'lle letting us know that P signed the papers and that Lola was ours! I can't even tell you how happy I was and I drove right over to Stephanie's to pick up our baby girl. When Stephanie opened up the door, we just hugged and cried. I was so happy to finally bring our baby girl home, but I was also overwhelmed with gratitude for all that Stephanie and her husband has done for us. Stephanie is a busy lady and she has spent pretty much the last 2 weeks helping P and us to make sure that we were able to adopt Lola. She stayed with P for her 24 hours of labor and didn't even eat a whole lot because she didn't want to eat in front of P. She spent pretty much all of Wednesday and Thursday at the hospital and then watched our sweet Lola most of Friday. Words cannot express how grateful we are for Stephanie and Scott! We were trying to think of what Lola will call Stephanie and Stephanie came up with Fairy Godmother, but she said she needed a wand:)

We are so grateful for our sweet baby Lola. She is sent from Heaven. Thank you to all that have prayed for us, fasted for us, put our names on the temple prayer rolls. We definitely have felt it. I am grateful for P and her selfless decision.I am grateful for E'lle (I need to write a separate post about her as well) and all that she has sacrificed to bring Lola to us.  I am grateful that I can tell Lola just how much she is loved and how difficult it was for her birth mother to place her for adoption, but that she loved her enough to do it. I am grateful for the gospel and the power of heaven. I am grateful for prayer and for the guidance we have received throughout this week. My testimony has been strengthened so much throughout this past week and I love it. I need to write a separate post about that because it is getting late, but I am grateful for all the Heavenly and earthly angels that helped to make this adoption happen. We love you!
                                            ( Sorry about all the grammatical errors. I am a little tired.)

Lola's Birth Story

I can't believe she is here and that I finally get to hold our baby girl. Her name is........

Lola Mitsuko Scoville
Born: September 23, 2014
Weight: 7lbs 1.4oz
Length: 20 in.

I have been wanting to write about Lola's birth story. Over this past weekend, we were really looking forward to Monday because P had a Dr. appt and the dr would check P to see if she was ready to be induced. I had an overwhelming feeling that she was coming in the next couple of days and so I thought the dr would certainly give her the go ahead for induction on Tuesday. Well, she went into the Dr. at 10:45am and she had not dilated or thinned out and so the dr told P to come back on Thursday and they will check again.  I also have to add that I could feel Lola coming and so I woke up super early on Monday morning and started mopping floors and cleaning anything I could. I got Lola's diaper bag ready and was just trying to get things organized. Well, 4:30pm comes around and I was ironing Lola's dresses and I get a text from our amazing friend Stephanie (who P is staying with and has been an absolute angel) that P's water just broke and that they were headed to the hospital. I was so excited that I'm guessing I just ran around the house like a crazy person because Reese and Nora were running around the house in their diaper and underwear just screaming and laughing. Reese was running and yelling, "Lola is coming, Lola is coming. We're going to be late. Ahhhhh. Lola is coming. We're going to be late." Nora was running and screaming, "Lola, Lola, Lola." It was actually pretty hilarious.
I dropped the girls off at their grandparents and then hurried to the hospital. The nurses had to make sure that her water had actually broke, before they could call the dr. I guess some people mistake peeing their pants for their water breaking. Who knew????? I just stayed outside the Labor and Delivery room while Stephanie came out and would give me updates. P's water had broke, but she was completely closed. We were at the hospital for about 2 hours when P was started on pitocin. Nothing happened for a while and so we just waited. We didn't want to miss anything and so we just waited in the lobby. The nurses told us it would be a while and so the nurses got us a room we could stay in. Stephanie would give us updates on P and how close her contractions were. She would send us audio clips of Lola's heartbeat which was so nice to feel a part of what was going on. Around 12:00am, the nurses told us that we should go back to our room and get some rest because P wouldn't deliver for a while. I didn't realize that when she said a while, she meant almost 17 hours later. We felt so bad that we couldn't do anything to help P and Stephanie was taking care of her and they were both so tired so we did what anyone would do...... We went to the grocery store at 2:00am to go buy P some candy for an after delivery snack. We finally went to bed around 3:00am and Stephanie would give us updates through the night. Yes! Stephanie is amazing! We got up at 7:00am and P was 5cm and I believe 70% effaced. She was slowly making progress and around 2:00pm, P was a 7 and 90 effaced. She was ready to deliver around 3:30p, but by then 2 more urgent deliveries were put ahead of P. The dr came in around 4:30pm and I was able to go in with also for the delivery. I just have to say what an honor this was. I have never been able to be there for my girl's deliveries and so I felt so lucky to be there. P was amazing and Stephanie was the perfect coach and Lola was born at 4:51PM. P had been in labor for over 24 hours. She came out with lots of hair and perfect. P did not want Lola placed on her and so we made sure that the nurses knew. She actually wanted Lola to be taken out of the room as quickly as possible. The nurses kind of took a long time cleaning Lola off and checking and weighing her. The dr was doing a great job at helping to distract P and I just kept looking over to see if she was okay while wanting to hold our sweet baby. The nurses were giving me hugs and telling me congratulations while I was still in the room with P and I just started to tear up. I looked at her one last time before leaving the room and she just gave me the biggest smile. I was finally okay to leave with Lola to the nursery. The nurse told me that she needed to take Lola to the nursery and that they were in the middle of report so it would be about 20 minutes before I would be able to hold Lola. I was just looking at her through the nursery window trying to hold it together, when I could n't keep it in anymore. I felt so bad for P. I almost felt like I couldn't be excited while knowing what P was about to go through. I realized that I had never seen Reese's or Nora's birth mother at the hospital and I just had so much empathy. I couldn't hold in the tears anymore and started crying in hysterics. I'm talking hyperventilating, snot nose, can't talk, blood shot eyes, crying. I didn't want anyone to see me and so I ran to our room as fast as I could to let it out. One of the nurses stopped me and asked if I was okay. I couldn't even talk , but tried to say, "I just feel so bad". I then continued to run to my room. My mom had showed up unexpectedly and I she tried to talk to me, but I just had to get to my room before I completely lost it. I just ran to my room and shut the door and sobbed for a good 10 minutes and prayed. Once I had a good talk with Heavenly Father and He reminded me that Lola is supposed to come to our family, I was able to compose myself ( although I still had blood shot devil eyes) and be excited to finally hold our baby girl.  Ron and I were able to give Lola her first bath, and pick out her first bow, and just be together with our perfect baby. We finally were able to take her back to our room and just be together and give her her first bottle. She really is so beautiful. Reese and Nora were able to come up and meet their new little sister a couple hours later and were completely in love. Nora came in and pointed and yelled, "baby". 

Reese, just loved rubbing Lola's back. These three are going to be 3 peas in a pod. When we were sitting there with our little family, I was filled with gratitude and love. I am so grateful for these 3 precious children that Heavenly Father has sent to us and entrusted us to love, teach, and raise. I just sat there hugging my girls and feeling so grateful for the opportunity to be their mother. They are such special girls and the spirit shines bright in their eyes. I just want to do my best everyday to never let that light fade. I hope I can raise these girls so that they know that they are daughters of their Heavenly Father.  

So we are so excited for our new baby girl, but on Tuesday night, P started holding Lola a lot more, which she wasn't planning on doing. She was planning on relinquishing her rights around 5:00pm on Wednesday night, but she was having a difficult time when the attorney was there. The attorney brought up that P was having a difficult time and brought up a temporary foster care in which Lola would come to our home without P signing. As soon as I heard this I just started bawling. I don't know how we had ended up in this situation for a second time, but my greatest fear with adoption had come true and I was re-living all the pain and fears that we experienced with our first failed placement.  I had Lola in our room and was just rocking Lola as she slept and knowing that P was going to sign soon, I just started praying. It was interesting how I started praying that P would have the strength to relinquish her rights, I prayed that Stephanie, the attorney, the paralegal, and Ron and I would be guided by the spirit to know what to say to help P sign.I remember asking, " Heavenly Father, I don't know if I am been obedient enough or done enough to bring down the powers of heaven, but if I have, please bring down the powers of heaven and help P to relinquish.  I was in the room and just waiting to hear what happened and so I just continued to pray. It was interesting how my prayers had changed from asking for help, to being grateful for all the people that had helped to bring baby Lola to us, to "Father, whatever is thy will, I will do. Even if it means giving up this precious baby girl in my arms that I have felt coming for 8 months." I realized that I had been praying for almost 30 minutes and I have to admit that I have not prayed that long for quite a while. I felt so bad that it took something like this for me to take the time to talk to Heavenly Father for that long. After a while I was asked to go down to P's room. I have to add that P needed to be off pain killers for 5 hours before signing legal papers. She kept stalling and then a nurse came out with her claws and told us how she needed food, needed pain medication, and needed to rest and she wasn't signing any papers tonight. I was seriously livid. The attorney had Ron and I come in and just talk to P. We all cried and she knew that she needed to place Lola with us. She told the attorney that as soon as we walked in the room, she knew what she needed to do. She was ready to sign, but because the nurse brought her a Percocet about 5 minutes earlier, she could not sign the papers. We reassured P that we loved her and that we love and will take good care of Lola. We want her to be happy and go back to school and attain all the goals that she has made. The attorney told us that when we are around she knows what she needs to do. P was advised not to hold Lola during the night and she was going to just take an ambien and go to bed and get some rest so she would be able to sign papers the next morning around 10:30pm. I was going to stay at the hospital that night with Lola, but I and Ron knew that I wouldn't be able to handle the stresses that were coming if P decided to continue to hold Lola during the night. I was already an emotional wreck and had cried more in the past 2 days than I had in the past 10 years of my life. Also, because of our first failed placement in which we had the same scenario, I was so scared to bond even more with Lola if she was not coming home with us. So Ron stayed again at the hospital and I went home to my girls who were emotionally spent. I hugged them a little tighter that night and let them sleep in my bed with me.

Getting ready for baby #3

 We have been getting things ready for our baby girl and it has been a lot of fun. The girls love to buy the baby clothes and we wash them and have been hanging everything up. The girls love to pull outfits out and tell me how cute the baby will look in them. They have been picking out headbands she can wear and Reese loves to make the baby bracelets. Reese also gives me new suggestions everyday on what the baby should wear for Halloween. We are so excited to hold our sweet baby that we have been praying for for months.

Nora is 18 months....

 I can't believe my Nora is 18 months already. She is getting so big and so smart. I love that she is such a Mama's girl and is still attached to me. She is growing up so fast I don't mind her being attached to me a little longer than most. So here are a few things about Nora at 18 months......

Her favorite TV show: Team Umizumi

Favorite Foods/drinks: chocolate milk, frozen Gogurts, GoGo squeezes, Kidz Clif Bars, pears, grapes, thin pretzels

Favorite things to do: play on gymnastics bar, ride her 4 wheeler, and play on her slide

- Nora is a little ham or a little turkey as Reese would call her. Nora loves to make people laugh. Her specialty is her "roar". 

- Nora is a great sleeper. At nap time, all I need to do is put her in her crib with her blankets, turn on her projector, and close the door and she is asleep within a couple of minutes. Lately, at bedtime, I have loved turning on her projector (which project fish on the ceiling and plays music), sit in the rocking chair, cuddle under a blanket, and just talk. Even though I can't really understand most of the things she is saying, Nora will go on and on about the fish. I will ask her which fish is her favorite? What did the mama fish say? We have a good conversation and Nora just tells me all about her day. The best part is when she will answer a question and then start laughing hysterically at her answer and I have no idea what she just said, but we just laugh together. 

- Nora loves to do things on her own and loves to do whatever Reese is doing. The other day we went to get gelata and she insisted on doing everything on her own. She was holding her cup of ice cream and the top of the ice cream was laying on her shirt, but she didn't want any help. I just let her enjoy it and tried to wipe ice cream off her legs and arms. She got in the bath when we got home and I'm pretty sure she had a whole scoop of gelata in her diaper:) Yum!

-Nora is very observant. I have said this many times before,but she learns so much by just observing what her sister is doing. We have been working with Reese on learning the articles of faith. She knows the first 4 articles of faith and sometimes when she doesn't want to say them, we will just ask Nora instead because Reese will usually interject and finish the A of F. Well, the other day, we asked Nora if she wanted to say her articles of faith and she pretty much recited the whole first Article of Faith and then clapped for herself. Ron and I were so surprised and realized she is watching everything that we do. This was a great teaching moment for me when I consider how much they are learning during Family Home Evening. Our FHE's usually don't last very long, but Nora taught me that she is learning from what we do and the things we teach.  -Nora is in the zone! What I mean by this is that she loves TV. We actually have to be pretty careful about how much TV we watch because Nora will start watching TV and zone out of everything around her. She also zones out when she is using the Ipad, but at least she plays educational games:) 

- Nora loves the bath, but has a difficult time not splashing all over the walls 

We love our Nora boo! 

September 13, 2014

                                                          Waiting at the airport......
So Saturday night, we went to the airport to pick up P. I was getting a little anxious as we waited in the terminal for P, but then I also thought of how anxious I'm sure she was as she just moved to a place where she didn't really know anyone and just having faith that everything would work out. Her flight was supposed to come in at 10:45pm and I think it arrived around 11:30. As soon as we saw her, all my anxiety went away and I just ran up to P and gave her a hug. She is so beautiful and has the kindest heart. We had a wonderful drive to our friend's house and got in about 1:00am. Which meant that it was 3:00am New York time and P had been traveling for the past 12 hours and was exhausted. After we dropped her off, I just felt an overwhelming feeling of peace and joy. I was so excited that P was here, was comfortable in her new home, and I knew that P immediately felt loved and had new friends when she walked into that home. I felt that love and felt very welcome as well when we walked into our friend's home.  I was inspired and desired to have that kind of home as well. A home that people always feel at home. A home that I can offer whatever I have to others. I hope that I can create this kind of home for my children. A home where they and their friends always want to be and they just feel at home. Anyway, P is in a good home with great people.

I just have to say again how grateful I am for P.  She truly is one of the most humble, loving, and kind people I have ever met. The more I get to know P, the more impressed I am.She is a little more reserved, but has a lot of depth that I hope to learn more about one day. She really just has a good heart!

Anyway, we are so excited to get to know P even more and to hold our baby girl soon. Sunday night we had P over for brownies and hot fudge (made by Ron) and so she could meet Reese and Nora. The girls were really excited and a little hyper. They showed P all their tricks on their gymnastics bar, their rooms, their dolls, how to jump on their mini trampoline, and how they lay down in their beds. It was nice for P to meet the girls at our house because that is where they are happiest and you can really get to know their personalities. I think one of the cutest parts of the night was when Reese just walked over to P and started rubbing her belly. I had been talking to Reese about how her baby sister was growing in P's belly. I was explaining to her that Mama wasn't able to have babies and so Heavenly Father found another way for her, Nora, and her new baby sister to come to our family. She understood that part, but the part she was confused with is when she whispered to me, " So the baby is going to come out of P's mouth." ummmmmm, that is pretty good thinking for a 3 yr old. The girls gave P hugs when she left and we had a wonderful visit with her. I am so grateful for P and for giving so much and loving our baby so much to place her with our family. It is neat to feel our baby girl a part of our family as we pray for her everyday, as Reese and Nora pray for their baby sister, and as we prepare for her arrival. We are so grateful for adoption and birth mothers!

Miracles are real....

I just have to say that prayer works and miracles are real. Yesterday morning, we received a text at 6:30am that let us know that the police had just showed up at the birth mother's apartment and had served her papers notifying her that the birth father had registered as the father. Ron and I immediately got up and started praying about what we should do. We didn't even know that the birth father wanted any involvement with the baby. As far as we had understood, he was not in the picture at all and he had not contacted the birth mother since they broke up. He had not gone to any dr appts or helped the birth mother with any expenses during her pregnancy so we understood he didnt want any part in the baby's life. At one point during the birth mother's pregnancy, she had to live in a homeless shelter in New York and so I also figured that if the birth father was around or cared, he would not have let that happen.We didn't know how serious this was and if this could potentially stop this adoption from going through. We needed to talk to our attorney in New York and figure out what we should do from here. We couldn't get a hold of our attorney in Utah or New York so I had a little anxiety going on. When I have anxiety or am really stressed, I run. I ran 10 miles and probably would have gone more if my girls hadn't woken up. It's one of my best ways that I can relieve some of my anxiety:) Anyway, we kind of just went through our day and tried to figure things out the best that we could of what our options were. We found out that this wasn't looking good on our end and the best option would be mediation between the birth father and birth mother. We were hoping that the birth mother could just talk to the birth father and help him understand why she was placing her baby for adoption and that we are not just some random strangers that said we would take the baby, but we have been praying for this baby every night for over 6 months. The adoption process takes a lot of gumption and we want him to know that it is because of spiritual promptings that we had about this baby that we have spent months preparing for this baby.  We just want him to know that we are not a threat and would love to talk to him.

 Anyway, we were hoping that the birth mother would be able to set up mediation, but the birth father did not agree to that. It looked like it was not good news for us and it looked like this was not longer an adoption case, but turning in to a custody battle. I was getting really depressed as the day went on and just not sure what to do and feeling a bit helpless. The girls and I went to the grocery story and on our way back home, I just felt an overwhelming peace that everything was going to work out and that this baby girl was going to make it to our family. When I got home, I told Ron, the feelings that I had had and he asked, "Are the feelings that you are having that everything is going to be okay......are they feelings about the baby or feelings that we will be okay and be able to endure this?" I told him that I felt that our baby girl was going to make it to our family and we needed to start working and figuring out what we could do. First off, I don't usually ask for others to pray for us, but we needed the help of heaven if there was any way our baby girl was going to be a part of our family. So we asked some of our family and friends to pray for the birth father that he might have a change of heart and that the birth mother would be guided to know what to do. I as well offered up a prayer of just complete submissiveness. I definitely wanted this baby to come to our family, but I just wanted to know what Heavenly Father wanted me to learn and to do. I wanted Him to know that I will do whatever He wants me to do. I think I just had to make sure that I wasn't just doing what I wanted, but was following Heavenly Father will.
So the birth mother ( I am using the term birth mother a lot. I think I am just going to call her P from now on in my blog:) had told us that this baby is supposed to come to our family and if she needed to obtain custody first and then place the baby with us, that is what she would do. Our birth mother and her roommates stayed up until 3 or 4am trying to understand New York and Utah law and trying to find a different solution to getting our sweet baby girl to us. They said that the Spirit was very strong as they prayed together about our baby girl and what to do. They said that they just felt that everything would work out. Our baby girl truly has protectors and I know that P and her 3 roommates have fought for her and sacrificed so much to bring our baby girl to us. On Wednesday morning, I woke up super early and was running and came up with the idea that if the birth mother and birth father were going to meet for mediation, I wanted to try and create a book or profile for the birth father so he could see who we are and what kind of people we are. I started to try to create this profile to immediately send out to New York when the I talked with the birth mother and her roommate and they had thought it best for P to come out to Utah as soon as possible and they were talking with the lawyer in New York to see if this could be a possibility that was legally safe. We got the go ahead and we notified the birth father that P would be coming to Utah.  My biggest fear is that P would uproot her life and come to Utah, place her baby with us, and then a few months later end up in a legal battle that lasts for months and ends in our baby being taken back to New York. Once again, we prayed to know if this is the best thing to do and felt the peace that it was. So at this point, it was Wed. night and on Thursday we booked a flight for P and she moved here with all of her stuff on Saturday night. I also have to mention that another prayer was answered when some of our sweet friends said they would love to have her stay with them. Oh, how things can change in a matter of days. Miracles are real. I know that when we do all that we can do and have faith in Heavenly Father, He can perform miracles and show us paths that we didn't know existed.

Reese's first day of preschool....

I can't believe Reese is old enough to start preschool. I remember when Reese was 3 months old, weighing only 5 lbs and my friends telling me that if I wanted Reese to go to Jump4Joy preschool, I needed to put Reese on the waiting list. This was 2011 and I remember thinking, "Seriously, that is so far away. It will be a long time before I worry about preschool." Well, it is like they say..... I seriously blinked and Reese is now old enough for preschool. She was so excited for school that she went to bed really well and then was ready for school about 3 hours before it was time to go. I finally gave in and we drove down to school and arrived 15 minutes early and so we just drove around. Reese kept noticing that I was driving past her preschool and so she asked me to just park in front. We were waiting out front with all the parents when the teacher comes out in all this safari gear and has lots of binoculars, safari hats, nets, and blow up dinosaurs. Ms. Jackie said that she needed help catching all of the dinosaurs inside and started handing out nets, hats, etc. to all the kids. They ran inside to get the dinosaurs and there was no tears, but just laughing and huge smiles. I thought it would be more difficult for me than it was, but it is hard for me to be sad when she is so ready to start school. She loves to learn, she loves to make new friends, and her teachers are absolutely amazing. 

 I went a little overboard on pictures, but with it being my first child going to preschool, this is a pretty big day. She had to wear her great grandma's necklace that she was given a couple days prior to school starting.

 I love this picture, but I am so sad I cut off the top of her head.

 When I went to go pick up Reese. All the parents were just waiting for the kids to come out and Ms. Jackie came out and said, "We had a problem today." I am pretty sure that all of us parents were thinking, "Great, what did my child do?" Then Ms. Jackie said that the kids went up to get the dinosaurs and then she lost them. So all she could find was the dinosaurs. All of a sudden, the kids came running out in dinosaur masks and yelling, "roar". It was really cute and Reese looked so happy. We got into the car and I asked Reese if she wanted to go to the grocery store and she said, "Mama, I can't. I'm so tired." Yep, she was right because she fell asleep about 2 minutes later. I thought this picture of her sleeping was a great one to remember of her first day at preschool:)

New York New York...

Life has been a little crazy the past couple of weeks. Last weekend we were waiting to hear whether our birth moth was going to come to Utah to have the baby or stay in New York. She decided to stay in New York and so now we are trying to make a tentative plan. It's kind of difficult to book your flights, hotel, and who will be watching our girls for a week when we don't know what week that will be:) Planning for when someone goes into labor is kinda difficult and I'm not even the one that is pregnant:) I am tempted to just book our flights for around the due date because right now it is $163, but if we wait until she goes into labor its almost $500 one way. I realized quickly though that I don't want to be away from Reese and Nora more than I have to. Especially since the longest I have been away from Reese and Nora is 24 hours. ( I know I know..... I have attachment issues.) Anyway, I started to pack everything up for the girls to be away at grandparents house for a week and am getting everything ready for the baby. I get so excited as I am folding up baby clothes, blankets, and everything else for the baby and putting it in the suitcase. I'm so grateful that we have our little portable crib from when we were in Detroit with Reese. I'm so excited to hold our baby girl soon!
A couple days ago, I had asked Ron for a blessing and the blessing I received was once again a witness to me that Heavenly Father knows the desires of our heart and that our sweet baby girl is definitely supposed to come to us. I was blessed that our girls would be well taken care of when we went to New York. I was blessed that our baby girl was strong and valiant and that she was excited to see me. I was blessed with other things that were very personal and helped me know that everything was going to be alright.

When it comes to adoption, I always pray for grace. It is something that I don't quite understand, but I know that it is real. One thing I know for sure is that a birth mother, placing her baby, is going to be experiencing one of the most difficult things she will ever do in her life and it sometimes even takes the help of heaven to bring that precious child to his/her family. I also know though, that when we have done all that we can do, our Savior's grace is available. That strengthening and enabling power to do what you cannot do on your own. When we have been obedient and done all that we can do and listened to the spirit, we can expect miracles. I truly believe that and I have watched it happen with each of my girls. Sometimes that strengthening and enabling power comes from a friend that just knows exactly what to say and is the strength you need when you are weak. It can come in many different ways, but I know that it comes. When I think of grace, adoption, birth mothers, etc., it makes me even more grateful for our Savior's infinite atonement. That strengthening and enabling power comes from a Savior that has suffered all of our pains, anxieties, doubts, trials, and knows how to do what we cannot do on our own.  My testimony is strengthened every time we adopt because I understand even more the worth of Heavenly Father's precious children. I definitely feel how much He loves our sweet baby, but all of His children. I have felt how much He loves our birth mother and what He sees in her. I have felt how much Heavenly Father loves me and trusts me to love, raise, and teach 3 of His sweet daughters. I am so grateful to be a mother. We just keep praying that everything works out.

I love my husband.....

Can I just say how much I love this guy! As we are going through this adoption process, I love my husband even more. Every time we are going through the adoption process, I see things about my husband that I didn't notice before. He really is absolutely amazing. It is sad to me when I hear about couples that have gone through infertility or adoption and it has torn their marriage apart. Infertility and adoption are very trying things, just as many other trials we have in life, but I am grateful that these things have strengthened our marriage. As we were trying to fill out all of our paperwork to try to adopt our third child, I realized just how far Ron and I have come. We are completely on the same page and are very complementary when it comes to getting things done. It's kind of funny to me how when we were trying to adopt the first time, we were always just trying to say the perfect thing and do the perfect thing and let me tell you.... that is difficult. Now that we are older and much wiser;) ha ha, we have learned to just be ourselves and have confidence in Heavenly Father's plan. As we are about to adopt our third sweet baby girl, I have felt the spirit more than ever. As we have just been ourselves and listened to the Spirit, we have felt so much peace and comfort.
So going back to my amazing husband...........So our next adoption will be a private adoption, which is a new thing for us. Without an agency to oversee everything and make sure all the legalities are set, we have had to pretty much figure it out on our own. We ( and when I say we, I really just mean Ron) have hired an adoption attorney in Utah and New York. Ron just takes care of things. He knows what things I can handle and he just takes care of the rest. I am absolutely amazed at all that he has been able to get done for us to adopt our sweet baby girl. He just seems to be able to take care of everything that is set before him. He is extremely efficient and just goes to work. I love Ron so much and am grateful He is my husband. I am grateful He is the Daddy of  our 2, soon to be 3, girls. He listens to the spirit and he knows how to comfort them. He is just a great husband and father and I am grateful that our marriage is strengthened every time we adopt.

The treehouse..

 Last Friday, we went to the Treehouse with my mom, sister, and niece and had a blast. My Aunt Mitsuko is awesome and buys us annual passes to the treehouse and it hasn't been until this year that I realized how fun this place is. Until Reese was about 2, she put practically everything in her mouth and I just wanted to put hand sanitizer on her hands the whole time:) Now that Nora is past  that whole oral phase, we have a lot of fun at the treehouse. Nora was so cute when she walked in and saw all the little houses, firetruck, and lots of toys. She was running from one thing to the next and just squealing. She loved all the little houses that represented different countries and its culture. She also loved the music room and playing in the diner. Reese loved doing arts and crafts, playing in the play hospital, and riding on the horses and bulls. It was a fun day and I know we will return soon!