Ahhhhh, now I feel like I can actually write what has really been going on without fearing that the birth father or his attorney, if he has one, might read my blog. It is just crazy that I have to worry about that stuff. I really wish things were different and that we could have an open adoption with the birth mother and father. I wish that he could see how happy she is and that we can provide a good life for Lola.
Anyway, so my last post concerning the adoption was when we had to undo the adoption about 2 weeks ago. We undid the adoption and had to return Lola to Portia. What I didn't write about was that we had found out from one of our attorneys that if the birth father had not served Portia birth papers within 120 days since he petitioned for his rights in Utah, then Portia could place Lola for adoption with us, without the birth father's consent. About two weeks ago, when we reversed the adoption, we returned Lola to Portia around 9:00am. Lola would still need someone to take care of her and Portia was working and trying to save money to either get an attorney to fight a custody battle or get an apartment. We were going to offer to let Lola stay with us, but our attorney advised us not to do that until we knew that the birth father's attorney was out of the picture. Stephanie, being the saint that she is, offered to have Lola stay with her and she would take care of her. I felt so bad that she would be doing what I should be doing. I should be up with her at night and going without sleep. That should be my job, but she offered to do it and I am so grateful. She is one of those people that makes you think that you are doing them a favor. A couple days after Lola went to Stephanie's, Portia called and told us that the birth father had emailed her and was threatening her that if she didn't return the baby within a week, he was going to turn her into immigration and have her deported or put in jail. Portia was really worried, but all of this was fabricated. She called her immigration lawyer the next day and she reassured her that she had nothing to worry about and that the birth father was trying to blackmail her which would not look good in a custody case. Anyway, all this meant for us was more drama drama drama.
Let me mention again that I completely understand that a birth father has rights and that he is exercising those rights, but being a father does not just mean you say that you want the baby. You need to pay for hospital bills, you need to pay for formula, diapers, wipes, clothing,etc. You sacrifice, love, and give do whatever it takes for the well-being of the child. With that being said, the birth father was not doing any of those things. He just continued to threaten the birth mother with things and the birth mother just continued to believe him.
After about a week of Stephanie taking care of Lola, the birth mother told Stephanie that she wanted Lola to come back with her the next day. I texted P and asked her if she wanted to just see Lola or if she wanted to take care of her. She said that she wanted to take care of her and wanted Lola back for the weekend. The following day, Ron and I received an email from P explaining that the bishop( that she had had for about 2 whole weeks) and her bishop in new york had been talking and that they felt that Portia needed to either care for Lola or return Lola to New York. At that point, Ron and I thought it was over and that Lola would be returning to New York. We started asking P more questions because we thought it was weird that a bishop would get involved in giving legal council in a case that he did not know P real well and where attorneys were already very involved and knew the whole story. P's friend, Elle, had flew in from New York to see Portia and Elle is always so good with handling Portia's instability. Elle drove Portia up to Stephanie's so she could see Lola and we could all talk. Well, it turned out that the whole story was fabricated and P was just sick of dealing with everyone and was going to have us bring Lola up to her that weekend and then she was thinking about calling the birth father and telling him he could come pick her up. P had also told us that the people she was staying with said it was okay if Lola stayed with P in their house. This was also a lie.
Anyway, after a while of talking, we convinced P that Lola was in a safe place and she didn't need to act. She doesn't need to do anything except work, until Taeus serves her papers. Lola is again safe and sound!
Everything is well for a couple of days and then P came up again to see Lola. We went to lunch and Stephanie asked P if she cared if Ron and Darcee watched Lola while she went on a trip. P hesitated for a minute and then said, "I'll think about it." P came over a little later and I just told her that I was a little hurt when she said that she would "think about" Ron and I caring for Lola. I told her that if she really wanted to place Lola for adoption with us at the end of the 120 days, why would she not want Lola to be with us. It just seemed to me that we have all felt that our home is where Lola belongs and so I didn't understand why P would want Lola to be anywhere else. Honestly, when P said that she needed to "think about it", I felt like I was done. I was so sick of playing Portia's games and having to live with her instability. (Sorry, I am being brutally honest in this post.) If she wanted to parent Lola, fine. That was her right, but don't play with our emotions and have Stephanie, Scott, Ron and I be doing what she should be doing. If she wants to be Lola's mother, then be her mother. Get up with her every 3 hours through the night, change diapers, and sacrifice. I was very upset with Portia, but I realized that I needed to put my feelings aside and think about what is best for Lola. Whether we adopt her or not, she is a helpless baby that we love and needs caring for. That night I was praying about whether we should let Lola go or to take her into our home again and care for her. To be honest, I was a little bit scared, because you can't help love and get attached to Lola the longer she is our home. I also wasn't sure if we would ever see her again if we let her go. I talked to Stephanie that night and she reminded me of a story in Judges. The main part is in Judges 6:36-40. Gideon is called by the Lord to deliver Israel from the Midianites. Gideon doesn't believe that he will actually be able to do what Heavenly Father has asked him to do. He asks Heavenly Father for a sign so that he will know that Heavenly Father indeed has called him to deliver Israel and that he will be given the strength.
v.37) " Behold, I will put a fleece of wool in the floor; and if the dew be on the fleece only, and it be dry upon the earth beside, then shall I know that thou wilt save Israel by mine hand, as thou hast said."
He asks Heavenly Father to give him the strength and then Gideon again asks for another sign because the tasks just seems so difficult. Heavenly Father once again shows Gideon a sign. Stephanie had shared with me that at a time in her life, she needed Heavenly Father to show her a sign to make sure she was going down the right path. She shared with me that when you ask with a humble heart and pure desires, He will show you a sign. So I went home and I read Judges 6 & 7. 7 is a great chapter as well. I talked with Heavenly Father for a long time and told him that we needed to know whether to take care of Lola or let her go and be done. It seemed like we needed to let her go if Portia had not intent of placing her for adoption. I knew Heavenly Father knew my heart and that I didn't need a sign, but I guess I decided to try this experiment of faith. I actually prayed, "Heavenly Father, I really need help and guidance to know whether we should let Lola go or keep taking care of her. Father, if it is time to let her go, please let us be contacted by another birth mother." I felt really weird asking for a sign because I don't need a sign to have faith, but I was practicing what Gideon had done. With everything that was going on with Portia, I had felt that another birth mother was out there and we needed to meet her. The next morning I studied my scriptures, read my patriarchal blessing, and just continued to pray, but I didn't feel like I received any special sign. I did feel though that we needed to hang in there and continue to take care of Lola. I talked to Ron and he felt the same way, which actually surprised me because he had been ready to give up. So I called Portia and told her that we would be happy to take care of Lola. She told me that the people she was staying with said it was okay if Lola came back with her and she took care of her. I told her okay, but what are you going to do about childcare. She told me she would figure it out and that she would call the relief society pres. During the next few hours. We found out that Portia had lied to the people she was staying with and had told them that no one would take care of Lola and that she had to take care of her. We also found out that she was going to be kicked out of the house she was staying at and would more than likely end up in a shelter. We begged Portia to let us just babysit Lola to make sure she was safe so she didn't end up in a shelter and she just said, "Bring the baby to me tonight. " Later that night, Stephanie and I took Lola and all of her stuff down to Portia. The family Portia was staying with were super nice and I was glad I got to meet them. I went to hand Lola over to Portia and tried to tell her to please call us if she cannot take care of her, but all that came out was sobs. I started my hyperventilating crying and had to walk out. The mother of the family that Portia was staying with came over and gave me a hug and asked me what was wrong. Apparently, Portia had been lying to them and she didn't know the true story. We all sat down and talked and I tried to explain the whole story and what has been going on. The mother had asked Portia why she would demand that the baby be brought to her tonight when she couldn't care for Lola, she had work in the morning, she would be uprooting the baby to an unfamiliar place and routine, etc.? Portia told her, "I just miss her so much". We tried to tell Portia that all of us have been putting our hearts aside and have been praying doing what is best for Lola and that is what she needs to think about as well. What is best for Lola. We told her that taking her to a homeless shelter is not what is best for Lola. I told her that I understand that when things feel out of control that she just wants to hold onto Lola, but all of those things will still be there and Lola will just suffer for it. We told her that if she wants to parent, then she needs to be responsible and work hard and save and get an apartment, pay for childcare, and become independent. You cannot just expect everything to be handed to you. I told her that whether she decides to parent or place Lola for adoption, she needs the spirit. Everything that we are going through is too difficult to handle without the spirit. I told her that whatever she decided to do, she needed to fill her life with good things. Go to institute, go to church, have good friends, hold a calling, serve, etc. I also bore my testimony of the Atonement and the power of the atonement in bringing peace and healing. After a while, she finally decided to let Lola stay with Ron and I. As we were getting ready to leave with Lola, I find out that one of my close friends from high school lives across the street. I hadn't seen her in a couple of years, but she is one of those people that I feel like I could not see her for years and then pick up right where we left off the next time I see her. Well, that is pretty much exactly what happened. I went over to her house and she was surprised when she saw me, but not entirely. She had told me that she had been reading my blog and had been having spiritual promptings about our family, Portia, and Lola. She told me that when she saw the baby across the street, she knew that it was our baby and she was trying to figure out her role in all of this. She also would have been watching Lola the next day if Portia would have kept her. I felt the spirit so strong as she was talking and I about started crying because I knew that Heavenly Father's hand was still involved and that we just needed to be patient while He was putting things in order. Stephanie leaned over and said, "She is your fleece." This wasn't the sign that I had asked for, but it definitely was a sign that I had been listening to the promptings correctly and that Lola needed to come home with us. We had felt that Lola needed to come home with us and then when Portia said that she wanted her, I was a little confused that maybe I didn't understand Heavenly Father. When I started talking to my friend, it was the reassurance(sign) that I needed to know that I had listened to Heavenly Father and that we were going down the right path. The greatest feeling is knowing that we have listened to Heavenly Father's voice. If we have done that, then we don't need to worry about what comes next because it is Heavenly Father's plan. I don't need to worry about whether we will adopt Lola or not, but I just need to love her and listen to the spirit. We just need to keep listening to His voice and things will be alright. At least we know Lola is safe with us for a while. Reese and Nora were very excited to see her back at our house.
I am a couple weeks behind on my posts, but I am trying hard to catch up.
Let me mention again that I completely understand that a birth father has rights and that he is exercising those rights, but being a father does not just mean you say that you want the baby. You need to pay for hospital bills, you need to pay for formula, diapers, wipes, clothing,etc. You sacrifice, love, and give do whatever it takes for the well-being of the child. With that being said, the birth father was not doing any of those things. He just continued to threaten the birth mother with things and the birth mother just continued to believe him.
After about a week of Stephanie taking care of Lola, the birth mother told Stephanie that she wanted Lola to come back with her the next day. I texted P and asked her if she wanted to just see Lola or if she wanted to take care of her. She said that she wanted to take care of her and wanted Lola back for the weekend. The following day, Ron and I received an email from P explaining that the bishop( that she had had for about 2 whole weeks) and her bishop in new york had been talking and that they felt that Portia needed to either care for Lola or return Lola to New York. At that point, Ron and I thought it was over and that Lola would be returning to New York. We started asking P more questions because we thought it was weird that a bishop would get involved in giving legal council in a case that he did not know P real well and where attorneys were already very involved and knew the whole story. P's friend, Elle, had flew in from New York to see Portia and Elle is always so good with handling Portia's instability. Elle drove Portia up to Stephanie's so she could see Lola and we could all talk. Well, it turned out that the whole story was fabricated and P was just sick of dealing with everyone and was going to have us bring Lola up to her that weekend and then she was thinking about calling the birth father and telling him he could come pick her up. P had also told us that the people she was staying with said it was okay if Lola stayed with P in their house. This was also a lie.
Anyway, after a while of talking, we convinced P that Lola was in a safe place and she didn't need to act. She doesn't need to do anything except work, until Taeus serves her papers. Lola is again safe and sound!
Everything is well for a couple of days and then P came up again to see Lola. We went to lunch and Stephanie asked P if she cared if Ron and Darcee watched Lola while she went on a trip. P hesitated for a minute and then said, "I'll think about it." P came over a little later and I just told her that I was a little hurt when she said that she would "think about" Ron and I caring for Lola. I told her that if she really wanted to place Lola for adoption with us at the end of the 120 days, why would she not want Lola to be with us. It just seemed to me that we have all felt that our home is where Lola belongs and so I didn't understand why P would want Lola to be anywhere else. Honestly, when P said that she needed to "think about it", I felt like I was done. I was so sick of playing Portia's games and having to live with her instability. (Sorry, I am being brutally honest in this post.) If she wanted to parent Lola, fine. That was her right, but don't play with our emotions and have Stephanie, Scott, Ron and I be doing what she should be doing. If she wants to be Lola's mother, then be her mother. Get up with her every 3 hours through the night, change diapers, and sacrifice. I was very upset with Portia, but I realized that I needed to put my feelings aside and think about what is best for Lola. Whether we adopt her or not, she is a helpless baby that we love and needs caring for. That night I was praying about whether we should let Lola go or to take her into our home again and care for her. To be honest, I was a little bit scared, because you can't help love and get attached to Lola the longer she is our home. I also wasn't sure if we would ever see her again if we let her go. I talked to Stephanie that night and she reminded me of a story in Judges. The main part is in Judges 6:36-40. Gideon is called by the Lord to deliver Israel from the Midianites. Gideon doesn't believe that he will actually be able to do what Heavenly Father has asked him to do. He asks Heavenly Father for a sign so that he will know that Heavenly Father indeed has called him to deliver Israel and that he will be given the strength.
v.37) " Behold, I will put a fleece of wool in the floor; and if the dew be on the fleece only, and it be dry upon the earth beside, then shall I know that thou wilt save Israel by mine hand, as thou hast said."
He asks Heavenly Father to give him the strength and then Gideon again asks for another sign because the tasks just seems so difficult. Heavenly Father once again shows Gideon a sign. Stephanie had shared with me that at a time in her life, she needed Heavenly Father to show her a sign to make sure she was going down the right path. She shared with me that when you ask with a humble heart and pure desires, He will show you a sign. So I went home and I read Judges 6 & 7. 7 is a great chapter as well. I talked with Heavenly Father for a long time and told him that we needed to know whether to take care of Lola or let her go and be done. It seemed like we needed to let her go if Portia had not intent of placing her for adoption. I knew Heavenly Father knew my heart and that I didn't need a sign, but I guess I decided to try this experiment of faith. I actually prayed, "Heavenly Father, I really need help and guidance to know whether we should let Lola go or keep taking care of her. Father, if it is time to let her go, please let us be contacted by another birth mother." I felt really weird asking for a sign because I don't need a sign to have faith, but I was practicing what Gideon had done. With everything that was going on with Portia, I had felt that another birth mother was out there and we needed to meet her. The next morning I studied my scriptures, read my patriarchal blessing, and just continued to pray, but I didn't feel like I received any special sign. I did feel though that we needed to hang in there and continue to take care of Lola. I talked to Ron and he felt the same way, which actually surprised me because he had been ready to give up. So I called Portia and told her that we would be happy to take care of Lola. She told me that the people she was staying with said it was okay if Lola came back with her and she took care of her. I told her okay, but what are you going to do about childcare. She told me she would figure it out and that she would call the relief society pres. During the next few hours. We found out that Portia had lied to the people she was staying with and had told them that no one would take care of Lola and that she had to take care of her. We also found out that she was going to be kicked out of the house she was staying at and would more than likely end up in a shelter. We begged Portia to let us just babysit Lola to make sure she was safe so she didn't end up in a shelter and she just said, "Bring the baby to me tonight. " Later that night, Stephanie and I took Lola and all of her stuff down to Portia. The family Portia was staying with were super nice and I was glad I got to meet them. I went to hand Lola over to Portia and tried to tell her to please call us if she cannot take care of her, but all that came out was sobs. I started my hyperventilating crying and had to walk out. The mother of the family that Portia was staying with came over and gave me a hug and asked me what was wrong. Apparently, Portia had been lying to them and she didn't know the true story. We all sat down and talked and I tried to explain the whole story and what has been going on. The mother had asked Portia why she would demand that the baby be brought to her tonight when she couldn't care for Lola, she had work in the morning, she would be uprooting the baby to an unfamiliar place and routine, etc.? Portia told her, "I just miss her so much". We tried to tell Portia that all of us have been putting our hearts aside and have been praying doing what is best for Lola and that is what she needs to think about as well. What is best for Lola. We told her that taking her to a homeless shelter is not what is best for Lola. I told her that I understand that when things feel out of control that she just wants to hold onto Lola, but all of those things will still be there and Lola will just suffer for it. We told her that if she wants to parent, then she needs to be responsible and work hard and save and get an apartment, pay for childcare, and become independent. You cannot just expect everything to be handed to you. I told her that whether she decides to parent or place Lola for adoption, she needs the spirit. Everything that we are going through is too difficult to handle without the spirit. I told her that whatever she decided to do, she needed to fill her life with good things. Go to institute, go to church, have good friends, hold a calling, serve, etc. I also bore my testimony of the Atonement and the power of the atonement in bringing peace and healing. After a while, she finally decided to let Lola stay with Ron and I. As we were getting ready to leave with Lola, I find out that one of my close friends from high school lives across the street. I hadn't seen her in a couple of years, but she is one of those people that I feel like I could not see her for years and then pick up right where we left off the next time I see her. Well, that is pretty much exactly what happened. I went over to her house and she was surprised when she saw me, but not entirely. She had told me that she had been reading my blog and had been having spiritual promptings about our family, Portia, and Lola. She told me that when she saw the baby across the street, she knew that it was our baby and she was trying to figure out her role in all of this. She also would have been watching Lola the next day if Portia would have kept her. I felt the spirit so strong as she was talking and I about started crying because I knew that Heavenly Father's hand was still involved and that we just needed to be patient while He was putting things in order. Stephanie leaned over and said, "She is your fleece." This wasn't the sign that I had asked for, but it definitely was a sign that I had been listening to the promptings correctly and that Lola needed to come home with us. We had felt that Lola needed to come home with us and then when Portia said that she wanted her, I was a little confused that maybe I didn't understand Heavenly Father. When I started talking to my friend, it was the reassurance(sign) that I needed to know that I had listened to Heavenly Father and that we were going down the right path. The greatest feeling is knowing that we have listened to Heavenly Father's voice. If we have done that, then we don't need to worry about what comes next because it is Heavenly Father's plan. I don't need to worry about whether we will adopt Lola or not, but I just need to love her and listen to the spirit. We just need to keep listening to His voice and things will be alright. At least we know Lola is safe with us for a while. Reese and Nora were very excited to see her back at our house.
I am a couple weeks behind on my posts, but I am trying hard to catch up.
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