March 15, 2013

I have been trying to update my blog since everything happened, but my extra time has been a little bit occupied lately. So going back to Friday, March 15th. Ron and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary. We didn't want to go anywhere because we were afraid that Sadie would go into labor. She was supposed to call us when she went into labor and then was planning on spending  her 48 hrs with the baby and then we were going to have placement (She relinquishes her rights and the baby comes home with us) at discharge. So it was 8:00pm and our caseworker called me and asked if Sadie had called me. I told her she hadn't and then she asked me if we could be down in American Fork tomorrow morning at 7:45am for placement. I started crying and asked her what was going on and she told us that Sadie had the baby Thursday morning around 3:00am and she just wanted this time with the baby. Our caseworker said she was going crazy trying to not tell us. So we went to work cleaning the house and putting up the pack n play and getting a diaper bag ready and finding someone to watch Reese. We put Reese to bed and I cried as I thought that Reese's world is about to change and she doesn't have a clue. I went to bed around 1:30am and woke up at 5:00am to start getting things ready. On our way down to American Fork, Ron and I were talking about how it didn't seem real that we were going to pick up our baby and it wouldn't feel real until we brought her home. We were supposed to have placement at 8:00am. So we were waiting in this little room and 8:00,8:30, 9:00 went by and Sadie still was not ready to sign. Her caseworker came in and said Sadie was having a difficult time and was thinking about her options again and not signing. Her aunt and uncle came in to talk to us and her aunt broke down sobbing into her husbands shoulder. They said how this has been the most difficult thing they have ever done in their lives. The aunt went back in to be with Sadie and the uncle stayed and talked with us. He said that Sadie was still hoping that the birthfather would come and save them. He would be like a white knight who would show up and say that he wanted to marry her and they would raise the baby and live happily ever after. So the fact that he hadn't come was a big rejection to her as well. He told us how Sadie's mom came for the birth and was perfect in everything she said and did. About 20 minutes later, the aunt came running in and said, "She's ready", (as in ready to sign),  and her caseworker and uncle went running into her room. I immediately asked our caseworker if we could say a prayer and the spirit was so strong. I thought of our lesson in young womens the other day in which we talked about grace. That strengthening and enabling power to do what you cannot do on your own. I prayed that Sadie would be blessed with our Savior's grace and she was truly blessed with the help of heaven. About 30 minutes later, the aunt and uncle walked in with our beautiful baby girl and said, "Hi mom and dad". Ron ad I both burst into tears as we met our baby girl for the first time. We couldn't believe she actually signed the papers and that we would be the parents of this beautiful baby girl. So many emotions of gratitude and love flooded my mind as I watched Sadie's aunt and uncle trying to fight back the tears and looking at our perfect baby girl we had prayed and fasted for. We took a couple of pictures and then got ready to take our new baby girl home. As we drove home, it still didn't feel real. I loved this baby girl so much, but was still a little scared that the birthfather  would interfere. He had until the end of the work day on monday to register for his rights. So Sunday and Monday were a mix of emotions. I was so happy, but also a little guarded because I couldn't have another baby taken from us. Anyway, our prayers were answered and we found out Tuesday that our baby is ours for good. We love her so much and I still can't believe that I have been blessed to be the mother of 2 beautiful girls. I feel so lucky to say "my girls". My heart is so full of love for my family and it feels like a fairytale. I am just so happy and grateful to Sadie and her family, grateful to our Heavenly Father, and grateful to everyone for all of their prayers. I know that Nora belongs in our family and I felt that very strongly from the beginning. She is perfect and the most content baby and we love her so much. I haven't even touched on Reese and Nora, so that will have to wait for the next post. 

March 1, 2013

I absolutely love Sunday mornings! We have church at 1:00pm and Reese will usually sleep in until 11:00 and so I listen to church music, read my scriptures, write in my journal, and just enjoy the spirit. I just have to say throughout the last couple months as we have awaited the arrival of this sweet baby girl. I have gone from very very excited to very very anxious to very very fearful and now at peace. I don't know what is going to happen, but I just feel at peace and wait on the Lord. It is such an amazing feeling to feel like I am completely out of control, but it is okay. As I have been so fearful of losing another baby that has taken place in my heart, I have been able to fall in love all over again with Reese ( if that is possible.) In a blessing that I received from Ron, it said, "to cherish this one on one time I have with Reese.) Throughout these last few weeks, I just keep thanking Heavenly Father for eternal families because I know that know one can take Reese away from me. I am grateful every day that she is my daughter and that I get to be her mom. She is the spunkiest, cutest little girl and she amazes me every day. She tells us thank you for everything and I love it. She thanks me for changing her diaper and then tells me welcome also. She thanks me for brushing her teeth and turning on music she likes. She thanks me for getting her out of her booster and little things I wouldn't even think of. I am so grateful that she is ours forever. I am just grateful for my eternal family. I love my husband more than ever before. It seems that with each adoption attempt, we grow closer together and I am very grateful for the rock he is to me. I love him more each day and I am grateful for a wonderful husband that is an amazing Daddy as well. I am grateful for trials that help you see what is truly important. My family is my everything and we are happier now than we have ever been. I feel like more than ever before, we are worthy of this precious spirit that will bless our home because of the love and the spirit I feel in our family. I want this sweet baby to have parents that love each other so much and I feel like we can offer her that.

Anyway, I love my family so much and we have felt so many prayers. I know it is because of the prayers of others that I am able to feel so much peace and not anxiety. The other day I was sitting there thinking how can I feel this much peace amidst this rollercoaster of emotions and I felt the spirit so strongly and saw many friends, family, and leaders in my mind praying for us and it was an overwhelming feeling. Thank you so much for your prayers! They are felt!

So with the baby...... We are still waiting.  Sadie was given 2 due dates so obviously, her actual due date is probably March 14. Last tuesday she was 100% effaced and dilated to a 2. They stripped her membrane and now we are just waiting. Thanks for your love!

Happy Late Valentine's Day

So a few weeks ago, we had a great Valentine's Day. I didn't really feel like going out for Valentine's Day so Reese and I decorated the house with Valentines and surprised Ron with sushi and his favorite cake. The fun part was that he was actually surprised. I love my family so much and am very grateful for the 2 loves of my life. 

Baby Update......

So I have been wanting to write more about our potential adoption, but I was really worried about what to write because I was not sure who was reading my post. Now that I can put my blog back to private, I can unload many of thoughts over the past few weeks. So here it goes...........
          When we first met Sadie (birthmother), she had just barely moved to Utah from Texas in hopes of placing her baby for adoption. The birthfather had wanted her to get an abortion and then when she would not, he wanted his parents to adopt the baby. His family is really wealthy and his parents were planning on adopting the baby and then hiring a nanny to take care of the baby while Sadie and the birthfather went to college. They were very controlling and so Sadie decided she did not want that for the baby. Sadie and the birthfather were no longer together and no longer kept in contact so she made the decision to move to Utah. Her aunt and uncle moved her up to Utah and the agency found her a family to live with. She told us from the beginning that this could be a potential high risk adoption, but we felt the spirit and felt that this child was supposed to come to our family. As the weeks have gone by, the birthfather has become more and more involved and did not want this baby adopted. As we have prayed that his heart will be softened toward adoption, I have seen that happen and it is a miracle. Even though it is just a small step, we will hear that he wants to talk to us or that he isn't opposed to adoption anymore, but he isn't for it either. It really has been a roller coaster of emotions. The first few weeks, I was really excited and didn't have a doubt in my mind. I don't have doubts that this child is supposed to come to our family, but if this adoption will actually happen. I know Heavenly Father will not take away our agency and if the birthmother or birthfather decided to parent this child, they have that right.
          A few weeks ago, I was having so much anxiety about the birthfather and what he was going to do that I felt like my heart was constantly racing. I would break out in hives all the time because of the stress and   it felt like my leg was bouncing and fidgeting constantly. I asked Ron for a blessing and it really helped. It seemed like the same things were going on, but I just have a peace and a calmness that has come over me. I know that Heavenly Father is watching over us and that he knows my heart. He is preparing me for whatever is to come. We love this baby girl and are hopeful that she will be able to come to our family soon. The birthmother will hopefully have the baby in the next few days. She is planning on relinquishing her rights 48 hours after the baby is born. That is when the baby will come home with us. The birthfather has another 24 hours after the birthmother relinquishes her rights to register for his rights. So we will know for sure that she is ours after those 72 hours. So that is what has been going on. Thanks for your prayers!!

23 months

23 months and this girl just keeps getting funnier and funnier. I completely understand now how the author came up with the "Amelia Bedilia" books. I am sure she just had a 2 year old.  The other day, Reese was in the bath and she said she wanted to get out so I asked her to let the water out. Which she was excited to do. She started throwing water out of the tub and laughing. I should have asked her differently, but it is funny. Another example is that she was drinking a cup of water and I thought it was all gone. I asked her where all her water went and said, "Did it go in your belly?" She looked at me for a second and then lifted up her shirt and poured her water all over her belly. I had to write down all of the funny things she has done in the last month. These funny things are the ones where you are covering your mouth so your child cannot see that you are laughing and you are trying to discipline them. 

-Reese was eating a bag of goldfish and I went into the bathroom. When I came out, she had dumped the whole bag of fish on the floor and was stomping on them while the dog was eating them as fast as she could.I I told her no and that she needed to clean it up. So we were cleaning it up and almost done, when she hurried and dumped the bag again. I told her to go into time-out and I cleaned up the mess. When I asked Reese why she did that, she said, "funny." Then I told her that it made me sad when she didn't obey me and asked her if she liked to make Mama sad. She shook her head yes and said, "Mama funny." So I have learned this month that Reese just likes to get a reaction out of me. 

-Reese came running into my bedroom yelling, "Stuck Stuck" and she had a big pink bead stuck in her nose. 

-Reese's friend always calls her "Freesie." So now Reese tells people her name is Freesie. 

-She asks for ice cream after every meal

- We were eating dinner and she stuck her foot in her mashed potatoes and the did a heal stretch like she was proud of herself. 

- During sacrament, she would run up to Ron on the stand and try to make faces at people over the little ledge, but because she is not tall enough, you could only see her little Afro moving around. 

- She does an awesome Ganghnam Style dance

- She lights up any room

- She is constantly doing somersaults and jumping around

- yesterday she was jumping on her tramp and then started yelling "ouch ouch" and was rubbing her bum. I asked her if it itched and she said yes. So I went over and started scratching her bum for her and she yells, "Mama you did it, you did it!" Apparently I made the itch go away. Yes, I am amazing:)

- Today we took Sachi to the groomers and Reese has never done this before. We dropped her off and I was trying to put Reese back in her car seat, but she was thrashing around and yelling no. She started bawling and I asked her what was wrong and she said, "Sachi no, Sachi no." I almost started crying when I realized that she thought we were leaving Sachi for good. It took me about 10 minutes, but I finally convinced her that Sachi was at Puppyland having a fun time. I forget how inseparable those two are.

- Yes, this is my eye mask in the picture below.

Kawaguchi Bowling

A couple weekends ago, we went bowling with the Kawaguchi side of the family. It was a lot of fun and it is amazing to me that with just a simple text, over 50 members of our family show up to bowl. Not only does everybody show up, but they all bowl as well. My family is so supportive and love to keep the family close. My great aunts, who are around 70 years old were even bowling. I have realized lately how grateful I am for great-grandparents that put their family first. In Japan, it is very uncommon to have more than a couple of kids, so I am grateful for their courage to move to the United States and have 12 kids. My grandparents had 6 kids and we now have a very big family that I love.

Random Things about me

I don't know how many of you were tagged on Instagram to write 5 random facts about yourself, but it was pretty fun and I thought I would write some of those random facts about myself on the blog. I'm sure I will laugh at this post one day. So here are some random things about me......

- I love Downton Abbey

- I have always wanted to live in a Jane Austin book and wear the dresses and go to the balls. 

- I am a huge multi-tasker

-I love doing the laundry and hate doing the dishes

- I don't trust my cooking skills

- I feel more comfortable around kids than adults

- I am a respiratory therapist

-I turn the tv on for background noise all the time and am really trying to stop this habit

-I secretly let our dog in our room and sleep by my bed when Ron is gone

- I am addicted to hand sanitizers and wash my hands after everything, but am not the best at putting lotion on and so my hands are usually really dry. 

- I am lucky if I get ready 3 days a week.

- I love to make checklists

- I love to rock Reese to sleep in her rocking chair

- Reese and I watch cartoons in my bed almost every morning

- I am a home body and love love being home

- The longest I have been away from Reese is 10 hours 

- I love not wearing make-up

- I love to write in my journals

- I love to shop online

- my face is really heat sensitive and turns bright red if my face gets even a little hot.
- I don't like driving

Baby Baby

I previously posted how we have not left the house very much this past week and I have been nesting away. Cleaning clothes, bottles, binkies, toys, blankets, swings, and the car seat. I have been trying to clean everything I can before the baby comes ( the carpet, baseboards, windows, closets, pantry, fridge, kitchen drawers, and walls.) I am really getting excited to decorate the baby's room. I kinda like some of these ideas below.  I have also been trying to organize the toy room and the these shelves (picture above) would be awesome. We just cannot wait for the baby to come. Reese has been making her Valentines and I just can't wait to hold her. 

Let it Snow, Let it Snow

I can't believe how much snow we have received lately. I don't think I have left the house except to go to church. We have so much snow at our house that the dog disappears when she jumps into it. We have all been pretty sick this past week so we didn't mind too much not leaving the house.  Reese finally felt well enough today to go outside and she was loving the snow. She thought it was hilarious that she was eating the snow. As long as it's not yellow, I am okay with it:) I also have to add how grateful I am for wonderful neighbors and home teachers. I can't tell you how many times our driveway (which is a nightmare because it is so steep) has been plowed by an anonymous neighbor. I wish I knew who has been plowing it so I could tell them thank you and give them cookies or something. Also, on Monday night, we were all still pretty sick and our new home teachers ( I didn't even know we had new home teachers) brought over Old Grist Mill bread and soup because he had heard that we were sick. I kinda laugh at the thought of when I opened the front door because my hair was a mess and Reese had a snot bubble and no pants on. The dog was trying to get out and we just looked like a lovely bunch. I am grateful to be surrounded by amazing people that help each other out!

 Helping me do the laundry.

22 months

Another month has gone by too quickly. Reese is 22 months old and full of personality. She is very smart and full of love. I love how she will run to hug me and is so excited to see me even if I have only been gone for 2 min. In the past month, Reese has started singing lots of different songs, she can identify 3 colors (blue, yellow, & purple), she has learned her shapes, she can count to 2 (yeah, we are working on that one), and she can draw a circle. The other day I drew a circle and then pointed at it and said circle. I started drawing something else when I hear Reese point down at the paper and say, "circle." She had drawn her first circle right by mine. I was so proud of her and giving her high 5s and she just started jumping up and down saying, "I did it, I did it". She loves books and always finds a way to get Ron or I to read her more stories at night. She also has started making really funny faces. She lifts her eyebrows really high and I can't help but laugh. She is excited to be a big sister. We have been practicing a lot with her baby doll and now her baby doll eats dinner with us in the high chair, Reese rocks her baby to sleep, the baby comes with us upstairs, downstairs, and sleeps in Reese's room, we give the baby bottles, and Reese prays for the baby. As I have watched Reese with other children, I know she will be a great big sister. I am so grateful to be this sweet girl's mom and am blessed everyday by her love, kindness, humor, energy, and even the tantrums. 

 She was actually in time-out in these pics and it is really difficult to keep her there for a minute when she folds her arms and says "love you mama."

 Reese thinks she is a dog and tried to bite the bubbles like Sachi.

 16 pony tails. I am working on different hair styles:)

 She still loves going to the church and playing basketball, soccer, and just running.

 This is what she thinks of the fabric store.