Another lesson learned

Last Monday, I received a call from our caseworker notifying us that a birth mother and birth father were going to be placing their baby and they had narrowed it down to us and another couple and they wanted to meet us. I never expected that we would get chosen this soon and because of our previous experiences with failed placements, it's almost as if I just go numb to protect myself from getting too excited. I was really trying to not get my hopes up, but then we met the couple and they were just a great couple. The baby was due January 2nd, so the baby could literally come any day. When the baby could come any day and the birth parents have not decided on an adoptive couple, it's difficult not to prepare for this precious baby to come into your home and your heart. A few days later, they notified us that the birth parents had chosen the other family. I was pretty disappointed, but I knew that Heavenly Father knows what is best for that baby. I was pretty angry and sad because I had allowed myself to get my hopes up. I was just so happy in my little Reesie world and now I feel like I opened my heart up for this baby and now I have a hole that will remain until we are able to adopt again. I know that the right baby ends up in the right family and I know that we will adopt again. After we were notified that we were not chosen, I was kneeling down to pray, but I was a little disappointed and sad and didn't really want to pray. I asked Heavenly Father to help me pray and as I started to pray, my mind was flooded with joy and excitement for this other family that will soon be adopting a sweet baby boy. I was filled with gratitude for a Heavenly Father that is blessing this other family with their baby that they have prayed for. I was filled with gratitude for the opportunity that we have had to adopt. This experience with prayer has filled my mind every time I start to feel that ache in my heart. I am so grateful for this little roller coaster of emotions that opened up my mind and my heart. I am grateful for the adoption process and the things that I learn through the Holy Ghost. As we awaited to hear if we were chosen, I noticed more than usual of just how much Reese loves babies. Reese's baby cousin came over and as soon as he was on the ground. She was bringing him books and reading to him. Then she grabbed her blankets from her bed and wrapped them around him. She just kept squealing to me, "mama baby, mama baby". She will be a great big sister, when we again have the opportunity to adopt.