October 5th, 2014

I have been trying to write down all that has been going on lately, but I have failed to write down the spiritual experiences. I feel bad that I have vented on previous posts, but I wanted to clarify something...I truly love the birth mother and the birth father. As we have prayed for them every day over the past few months, we have felt how much Heavenly Father loves them and wants them to return to Him. I want to testify that I know Heavenly Father is watching over us and His hand is involved in every step of this adoption. Although things have not gone as we have planned, I am grateful for this experience. The Spirit has been with us in abundance and has continually guided us. I do not know what is going to happen to our sweet Lola, but I know that all will be okay. Every time we had a serious setback, it seemed like I felt the spirit more abundantly reassuring me with peace and comfort. It is an interesting feeling to be told that we don't have a case and Lola will be taken from our home and yet feel so much peace that everything will still be alright. I know that we have done everything we can do and have submitted our will to Heavenly Father. I trust that He knows what is best. It's amazing how when you do the best you can do and then place your faith in Heavenly Father, you can feel confidence and reassurance for the future. You don't have to wonder if you are doing the right thing because Heavenly Father has already let you know of His will. We just need to be patient.

This past week, we have been guided so much. I tried so hard to live worthy of the Spirit and make any changes I could to be able to receive greater personal revelation. I was scared of doing anything that would offend the Spirit in fear that I would miss the revelation we needed to know what to do for our Lola. I truly feel humbled that Heavenly Father would sanctify me this way. P's angel of a roommate E'lle called Stephanie and told her that she and her family were going to start fasting on Thursday evening at 7:00pm until they finished their 7:00pm temple session on Friday night. Stephanie and Scott had joined them in this special fast and I did as well. I believe our bishopric fasted as well.  I mentioned it to Ron and he was just getting off of his 6th fast in the past couple of weeks. Yes, he is amazing! I truly am amazed at the faith of others. I am humbled beyond belief that others care enough about us to fast for us. We have been richly blessed by the faith of others. I have to mention that when I had ended the fast on Friday night, I took our dog out for a walk late at night. The stars were so bright and I felt just felt so close to my Father in Heaven. I knew he was there and as I was praying about some of the promptings I had received, I saw a shooting star in the sky. I love shooting stars and don't see them very often, but I knew that Heavenly Father was aware of everything we were doing to try to bring Lola to our family. The scripture that came to my mind was...."Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed." (D&C 123:17)  He has all power and I we will wait patiently.                                                                                                            

 We have felt your prayers and I know that is why we can go about our day in joy and peace.
 I honestly don't think about Lola leaving us very often. I realized that there are a lot of things that I cannot control, but what I can control is this: I can be the best possible mom to my girls, I can make sure that Lola knows what it feels like to be a part of a family, I can provide a safe and peaceful home for Lola to live in, and I can love Lola with all my heart for as long as I have the opportunity. That is something I can do. I am grateful for all those that have reached out to us and have done what they can do. I have been amazed at the service rendered by our wonderful friends and family. Thank you to those that have picked up my girls for play dates, brought us food, picked up diapers for us, called to check up on us, dropped by with cookies and to visit, sent meals to Stephanie and Scott, brought treats to Reese and Nora, fasted for us, prayed for us, put our names on the temple prayer roll, gave us blessings, and just sent sweet texts! My heart is full and I am so grateful to be blessed with so many loving people in our life. Whatever happens, I truly have such an amazing life.
                                                             Love you!!