Lola is home

Well, life was wonderful for 2.5 days. Friday night, we brought Lola home and the girls absolutely adored her. They loved feeding her and holding her. I was little concerned about Nora and how she would feel about a new baby coming into our family, but she was awesome. She just kept saying, "baby, baby" and loved putting her finger in the middle of the binky when Lola was sucking on it. Nora is such a Mama's girl and so I was happy to see that she wanted to hold Lola. Actually, once she starts holding her, she does not want to let her go. We are working on the whole gentle part of holding a baby. Reese has special qualities that make her such an amazing big sister. She hates to see anyone cry and so whenever Lola would cry, Reese was running over to her to put her binky in her mouth and talk to her. It was so cute to hear her saying, "It's okay baby girl". I have found her gently pushing Lola in her swing to try to get her to fall asleep. One day I found Reese just leaning on the pack and play watching Lola sleep. She loves her baby sister.
So Saturday was great. We just spent the day at the house as a family. It has rained that day so it was a great day to watch movies and cuddle with our girls. Sunday came around and I stayed at home with Lola while Ron took Nora and Reese to church. Lola is such a good baby and she is just happy and content here.  It was interesting to me that when P had Lola at the hotel, she said that Lola cried all through the night and was scared. Since she has been home with us, she has hardly cried at all. At night, she has by far been the easiest baby. At night, she sleeps great and wakes up about every 4 hours to eat and then goes back to sleep. She is perfect and we have loved having her in our home. She truly is a little piece of heaven.

I absolutely love these pictures of my 3 girls! They are 3 peas in a pod and send straight from heaven.

 Early Monday morning, the stress began again. We were awaken around 4:00AM by a call from E'lle who notified us that P had been emailing the birth father and telling him that Lola needed him and she told him everything he needed to do to stop this adoption from happening. The birth father hadn't really done anything during P's pregnancy and he had told her he wasn't ready to be a father.When P notified the birth father of her plans to place the baby for adoption in Utah, the birth father had until October 5th to get Utah representation. He wouldn't have known that unless he actually really wanted Lola and did some serious research. Well, P spelled everything out for the birth father and when E'lle told us, I was so hurt. I was really trying to respond appropriately and stay in control of my emotions. I couldn't even cry because I was so mad. It was so cruel and back stabbing I wasn't even sure how to respond. I think we had gone to bed around 12:30 and got up at 4:00am. I had not had very many requests, but one of my only requests was that Reese and Nora do not need to be involved. I did not allow Lola to come to our house before P signed the papers because I didn't want Reese and Nora to possibly get hurt. When P did this, I felt so betrayed. Not only that, she now involved my girls and I admit I became a mama bear. Reese and Nora do not deserve to be hurt in any way. They will not understand why their baby sister is no longer with them if the birth father steps in. I was just so hurt and upset that she would do this. I have to add that Nora's birth mother reached out to P and let her stay with her on Sunday night when all this happened and then was taking her job and apartment hunting on Monday. (Yes, she is amazing!) I tried to be understanding of P and why she might possibly do this to us when she knew she did not want to get back with the birth father. We were hoping and praying that the birth father wouldn't do anything with the info he had been given because he hadn't come to the hospital when P had called him in the middle of the night asking him to come pick up herself and Lola.  When we received this information Monday morning, I was holding Lola and just started to cry thinking about what kind of life might lie ahead for her. A very difficult life with unnecessary hardships. I told Ron that she may never get a Father's blessings or just get to be a kid and not worry about all the stresses of life as a child. Ron said, "I can give her a blessing right now."' He blessed her with such amazing things and I just remember feeling the Spirit so strong.  We were planning on helping P get a job and find a place to stay and get her life back in order. I didn't want Sadie to get involved in all the drama, but she wanted to help and she wanted P to not run away from what was going on, but face it. She told her to write a list of all the facts. She told her that it didn't matter why she did it, but what were the facts. Such as, the birth father was not coming to save her, she asked him to pick her up when she was supposed to be relinquishing her rights and he said no. She said she could not provide for Lola, she didn't have a job, a place to stay, etc. We finally talked on the phone and I just explained to her my feelings. I hate confrontation, but I just told P. When you told the birth father everything he needed to do to undo this adoption, it felt like a stab in the back. If you and the birth father had decided to raise this baby together before you signed, great. It would be difficult, but we would eventually get over it. I haven't asked for much, but I did not want Reese and Nora to be hurt by this adoption. They are young and they will not understand if their baby sister is taken from them once Lola is placed in our home. That is why I did not allow Lola to come to our home until P had relinquished her rights. I told her that she has now possibly involved my girls and I am not okay with that. They do not deserve to be emotionally hurt. I think I had my first Mama Bear moment and I realized that I am really protective over my children. Throughout this adoption, I have worked really hard to make sure that they do not feel the stress and pressures that are upon Ron and I, but that they will be able to just live their usual carefree happy lives. Anyway, with all that was going on, I still felt a peace and a calmness that everything was going to be okay.We tried to just forgive P and hope for the best. She had no place to stay and so we booked her a room at a hotel for a week and got her a bus pass so she could go to job interviews and get set up with LDSFS. The next day,  P sent me an email apologizing for what she did and for not thinking of Reese and Nora. It was truly a heartfelt apology and I could feel how sincere she was. I felt so bad for P. She was trying to make the right choices in her life for her and Lola, but they were extremely difficult and she kept making things more difficult on herself. There were so many people all around us that wanted to help her, but she ran away from them and now was alone again. I had friends bringing her dinners with sweet notes of love and support, friends that invited her over to their house for lunch just as a distraction for her, and friends that were offering her different ways to make some money until she could find a job. I felt so bad that she was so alone and just prayed that she would know that her Heavenly Father had not forgotten her and that we would help her the best we could without enabling her. Ron had shared to Portia and Sadie one night that it is because of them that he gets to be a father and I hope she can have confidence in knowing what an important role that is to give someone that blessing.

Well, Wednesday came around and the attorney called Ron late that night. He told us that the birth father had hired an attorney and that this attorney had taken one case all the way to the Supreme Court The attorney pretty much told us that we didn't have a case against the birth father. I just don't understand how a birth father can do nothing for the 9 months the birth mother is pregnant with your child and then step in 1 week after Lola is born and pay possibly $500 in attorney fees and he gets Lola. It was the last huge blow and Ron was afraid to tell me in fear of how I would react. It was weird because I knew that this was a very serious thing, but I couldn't process what was going on and I felt unusually calm. I wasn't  sure why I was feeling so calm and if it was the Spirit calming me or if I just didn't want to believe what was coming. That night, Ron and I again just knelt in prayer and pleaded with Heavenly Father to know what to do. We had been guided every step of the way and felt like we headed all the promptings we had received since Lola was pretty much conceived. We will do whatever He asks of us, but we didn't know what that was at this time. We prayed that the birth father's heart would be softened and that he would think about what was best for Lola. Ron had written the birth father a letter a few weeks ago when the birth mother was still in New York. We had just wanted to talk to him and let him know that he did not need to feel threatened by us, but that we would love to get to know him and hopefully have an open adoption with him as well. He didn't want to meet with anyone nor talk to a caseworker or lawyer and so we didn't get the chance to give him the letter. Anyway, the birth mother emailed him the letter a couple days ago, but he said he wasn't interested in reading it. When I read it, I started crying. I just felt the spirit so strong and I knew how long Ron had been praying for the birth father. Before we knew anything of the birth father, he always told me how he just felt he had a good heart. Here is the letter Ron sent.......

(The Birth Father's name),
It’s difficult to write a letter to someone I’ve not had a chance to meet yet. I don’t know exactly
what to say or how to say it, but I wanted to share some of the feelings I’ve had as my family
and I have prayed for you every day for these past few weeks. Even though I don’t know much
about you, I can feel that you have a good heart. I feel badly that you’ve been out of the loop
and I can imagine that it must feel like we’ve been trying to do things behind your back. I can
assure you that wasn’t what we wanted to do. We mistakenly thought you weren’t interested in
being involved - that was obviously wrong, and I’m very sorry about that. As a father, I would be
so very hurt if someone assumed that I didn’t care for one of my little girls. It was unfair of me to
do that to you...please accept my apology.
I hope you’ve had a chance to see the photos of our family and see our profile. We have two
beautiful little girls, Reese & Nora. They are the most wonderful little girls in the world! At least
for us they are. We went through a great deal to have them come to our home, and I won’t
share the long stories, but there is no doubt in my mind that God intended for them to be part of
our family. His power was needed to bring them to us.
I would like to tell you how we came to meet Portia.
My wife is a very spiritually sensitive person—much more than I am. She occasionally has
dreams with deep meaning, while my dreams never mean anything. Back in March she had a
dream that we had another little girl coming to us, and that she was already “on the way.” She
told me about the dream and the next day she reminded me how strongly she felt about it. I
agreed that we should get going on our paperwork with LDS Family Services.
Most people don’t know this, but applying for adoption is a very long process. From the time we
start paperwork until our profile is online can take several months. We have to take classes, get
recommendation letters, fill out forms, the last goes on and on. And then after that, it takes on
average 2 years before someone chooses you. But because of Darcee’s dream and other
spiritual promptings, we pushed through as quickly as we could and got our profile up in just a
few months. Our profile was put online late at night on Wednesday August 13th, then two days
later Portia found our profile and emailed us. We felt the Spirit strongly as we talked with her
and talked about your baby. I know Portia didn’t take things lightly, and she spent many hours
and had many spiritual experiences that led her to us. The decision to adopt or place your child
with another family for adoption has to be one of the most difficult decisions a person can ever
make. It is also one of the most selfless and loving things that any person can do. Because of
people like that, people like us can have families. I can’t begin to tell you what that means to us.
 I believe that God is involved in this. And I believe that He will tell you His will if you ask
Him. I know that you have spoken with Heavenly Father and He has answered your prayers
many times. And I know He will again - He wants you to be happy. I really have prayed for you
every night and morning for the past three or four weeks and I feel His love for you. We would
like nothing better than to have a friendship with you, if you are open to it. I know that I can’t
make this decision for you, I’m not trying to. I just want you to know how I feel about things -
that we are trying to do what we feel is right and what is God’s will for His new little daughter
who is coming to earth very soon! We hope to talk to you soon.
In All Sincerity and Love,
Ron