I'm not sure if I wrote down all that has been going on with the birth father's attorney, but to say he is a pain in the rear is a HUGE understatement. In a week, he has threatened us with aiding and abetting in an illegal adoption, abduction, going to the media and trying to ruin Ron's job by claiming that we were involved in an illegal adoption, if we were moral and ethical we would return the baby to its rightful father, and we must not forget the Amber Alert. Yep, this guy is one of a kind. If you have ever heard in the church news about LDSFS going through adoption cases where the child will end up going back with the father after 2 years, this is the guy that we are up against. He claims that he is the protector of fathers, but I feel that it is at the expense of the best interest of the child. Anyway, last Saturday, we were threatened that this attorney was going to do an amber alert so that Lola would be found and returned to the father. I had a dream that night that someone was looking through the front door and then just broke in and grabbed Lola from us. It's amazing what things your mind can think of. We finally realized that we needed to undo the adoption and return Lola to Portia. Our attorney had written the relinquishment paperwork up in such a way that if the birth father were to step in and try to get custody of Lola, we could undo the adoption and give custody back to Portia. The birth father's attorney was trying to get a court order to come and serve us paper and take Lola, but it was the weekend so they would not be able to do that. We needed a judges signature as well and so we would not be able to undo the adoption until Tuesday because Monday was Columbus Day.
Saturday was pretty difficult and I just felt so numb and empty all day. I went to the temple and received clarity and strength, but bawled my eyes out for the first time. In my mind, I thought that we would be able to be sealed to Lola in the Ogden temple. To think that that might not happen was heartbreaking. On my way home, I just prayed to Heavenly Father, "....If I supposed to return Lola to Portia, please help me to let her go because I cannot do it alone." On Monday, I was struggling quite a bit about what was going to happen the next morning. I was crying so hard that I started hyperventilating and couldn't breathe. Ron was going to give Lola a blessing, but he asked me if I wanted a blessing first. It took me a few minutes to settle down where I could breath. I then was able to hold Lola while Ron gave her a beautiful blessing. She was blessed that she will have angels round about her to guard and protect her from the evil that may be around her. She was blessed that she will have the opportunity to learn the gospel in her life. It was a beautiful blessing and it filled my heart with peace. Tuesday morning, Ron was putting Lola in her car seat to take her to Portia. Reese just woke up and came to say goodbye to Lola. She gave her a kiss and then kept asking Ron and I, "Where is baby Lola going?" I told her that she was going to go visit Portia. Reese then said, "Lola's going to the hospital. She's probably going to go play with all the babies in the nursery." Ahhhh, I love this sweet girl of mine. Ron took Lola down to Portia's and dropped her off. At one point, we thought that if Portia was now going to fight the birth father in a custody battle, we could watch Lola at our house, while the birth mother worked, to make sure that she is okay and has food, diapers, wipes, a bed, etc. With all the threats that we were receiving from the birth father's attorney, our attorney suggested that we do not bring Lola home with us. Anyway, Ron dropped Lola off with her stuff to Portia and had a quick visit and then left. I thought I would be bawling my eyes out, but I had a peaceful feeling that she would return soon. It is that same peaceful feeling that has been carrying us through this roller coaster of emotion we have been experiencing.
The most difficult part of this whole experience is that it still isn't over. I hold onto hope until their is no hope left. We continue to pray that Lola will be able to return to our family. We still hope that Portia will be able to get custody of Lola and then place her for adoption. We are grateful for all the prayers that are offered on our behalf.
One thing I have to mention real quick is how much I love my Reese, Nora, and Lola. They are truly 3 peas in a pod. Reese loves to hold Lola and Nora loves to give her kisses. They have never been jealous of her, but they always want to know where she is at at all times:) Lola always knows when her sisters are in the room. If she hears their voices, she is scanning the room to find them. They have loved cuddling with their little sister and now that she is gone, they pray for her every morning, at every meal, and every night. I don't know why, but they prayers of my little ones always seem to carry more weight than my own. They are so pure and full of faith.
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