Friday, October 24, 2014
Going Private...
My blog will be going prTivate soon. If you would like an invite to follow my blog, please leave me your email or let me know some other way. Thanks so much!
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Never let a day go by.....
Here are a few things that the girls have enjoyed.....
For the past couple of months, Reese has been searching for the perfect My Little Pony costume. Everyday, she would get on the ipad and just look at all the images of my little pony costumes. Ron finally took her to the Halloween store and boy did she get her MLP costume. Reese has Ron wrapped around her finger and she somehow convinced Ron to buy pretty much all the chidlren's MLP pieces as well as an adult zip up MLP for himself. Yes, she is a Daddy's girl. I think this will go down in Reese's book as one of the her favorite Daddy-daughter dates. Reese has loved picking out her own clothes lately and lace rompers always seem to be one of the favorites:)
Picking out pumpkins. We were going to go to the pumpkin patch, but Reese is going to Black Island Farms soon and is going to the pumpkin patch there.
-We enjoy having picnics inside. Reese and Nora like to set up all the plates and cups.
-We enjoy daily walks with the our dog
-We have enjoyed doing crafts together
-and we love shopping together
-We have enjoyed doing crafts together
-and we love shopping together
I don't have pictures, but some of the things that we have loved doing lately are:
-star gazing. We like to go outside at night, cuddle up in blankets, and look at the stars.
-Reese, Nora, and I have enjoyed going into Nora's room at night, turn off the lights, turn on her projector, cuddle up in the rocking chair, and make up stories about the fishes that are projected on the ceiling.
-Lately, it has been neat to watch Reese and Nora play together. They have been "camping" a lot lately, in which they take as many toys as they can grab and put it behind Nora's rocking chair. They have spent so much time at their campground lately.
-The girls have also spent a lot of time in the clubhouse(aka the pantry). Our pantry is a disaster, but the girls love to grab flashlights and go into their clubhouse and play.
-star gazing. We like to go outside at night, cuddle up in blankets, and look at the stars.
-Reese, Nora, and I have enjoyed going into Nora's room at night, turn off the lights, turn on her projector, cuddle up in the rocking chair, and make up stories about the fishes that are projected on the ceiling.
-Lately, it has been neat to watch Reese and Nora play together. They have been "camping" a lot lately, in which they take as many toys as they can grab and put it behind Nora's rocking chair. They have spent so much time at their campground lately.
-The girls have also spent a lot of time in the clubhouse(aka the pantry). Our pantry is a disaster, but the girls love to grab flashlights and go into their clubhouse and play.
Friday, October 17, 2014
October 16th, 2014
I have been wanting to update my blog for a while now, but I have just been holding my girls a little bit more than usual lately. So here is what has been going on.....
I'm not sure if I wrote down all that has been going on with the birth father's attorney, but to say he is a pain in the rear is a HUGE understatement. In a week, he has threatened us with aiding and abetting in an illegal adoption, abduction, going to the media and trying to ruin Ron's job by claiming that we were involved in an illegal adoption, if we were moral and ethical we would return the baby to its rightful father, and we must not forget the Amber Alert. Yep, this guy is one of a kind. If you have ever heard in the church news about LDSFS going through adoption cases where the child will end up going back with the father after 2 years, this is the guy that we are up against. He claims that he is the protector of fathers, but I feel that it is at the expense of the best interest of the child. Anyway, last Saturday, we were threatened that this attorney was going to do an amber alert so that Lola would be found and returned to the father. I had a dream that night that someone was looking through the front door and then just broke in and grabbed Lola from us. It's amazing what things your mind can think of. We finally realized that we needed to undo the adoption and return Lola to Portia. Our attorney had written the relinquishment paperwork up in such a way that if the birth father were to step in and try to get custody of Lola, we could undo the adoption and give custody back to Portia. The birth father's attorney was trying to get a court order to come and serve us paper and take Lola, but it was the weekend so they would not be able to do that. We needed a judges signature as well and so we would not be able to undo the adoption until Tuesday because Monday was Columbus Day.
Saturday was pretty difficult and I just felt so numb and empty all day. I went to the temple and received clarity and strength, but bawled my eyes out for the first time. In my mind, I thought that we would be able to be sealed to Lola in the Ogden temple. To think that that might not happen was heartbreaking. On my way home, I just prayed to Heavenly Father, "....If I supposed to return Lola to Portia, please help me to let her go because I cannot do it alone." On Monday, I was struggling quite a bit about what was going to happen the next morning. I was crying so hard that I started hyperventilating and couldn't breathe. Ron was going to give Lola a blessing, but he asked me if I wanted a blessing first. It took me a few minutes to settle down where I could breath. I then was able to hold Lola while Ron gave her a beautiful blessing. She was blessed that she will have angels round about her to guard and protect her from the evil that may be around her. She was blessed that she will have the opportunity to learn the gospel in her life. It was a beautiful blessing and it filled my heart with peace. Tuesday morning, Ron was putting Lola in her car seat to take her to Portia. Reese just woke up and came to say goodbye to Lola. She gave her a kiss and then kept asking Ron and I, "Where is baby Lola going?" I told her that she was going to go visit Portia. Reese then said, "Lola's going to the hospital. She's probably going to go play with all the babies in the nursery." Ahhhh, I love this sweet girl of mine. Ron took Lola down to Portia's and dropped her off. At one point, we thought that if Portia was now going to fight the birth father in a custody battle, we could watch Lola at our house, while the birth mother worked, to make sure that she is okay and has food, diapers, wipes, a bed, etc. With all the threats that we were receiving from the birth father's attorney, our attorney suggested that we do not bring Lola home with us. Anyway, Ron dropped Lola off with her stuff to Portia and had a quick visit and then left. I thought I would be bawling my eyes out, but I had a peaceful feeling that she would return soon. It is that same peaceful feeling that has been carrying us through this roller coaster of emotion we have been experiencing.
The most difficult part of this whole experience is that it still isn't over. I hold onto hope until their is no hope left. We continue to pray that Lola will be able to return to our family. We still hope that Portia will be able to get custody of Lola and then place her for adoption. We are grateful for all the prayers that are offered on our behalf.
One thing I have to mention real quick is how much I love my Reese, Nora, and Lola. They are truly 3 peas in a pod. Reese loves to hold Lola and Nora loves to give her kisses. They have never been jealous of her, but they always want to know where she is at at all times:) Lola always knows when her sisters are in the room. If she hears their voices, she is scanning the room to find them. They have loved cuddling with their little sister and now that she is gone, they pray for her every morning, at every meal, and every night. I don't know why, but they prayers of my little ones always seem to carry more weight than my own. They are so pure and full of faith.
I'm not sure if I wrote down all that has been going on with the birth father's attorney, but to say he is a pain in the rear is a HUGE understatement. In a week, he has threatened us with aiding and abetting in an illegal adoption, abduction, going to the media and trying to ruin Ron's job by claiming that we were involved in an illegal adoption, if we were moral and ethical we would return the baby to its rightful father, and we must not forget the Amber Alert. Yep, this guy is one of a kind. If you have ever heard in the church news about LDSFS going through adoption cases where the child will end up going back with the father after 2 years, this is the guy that we are up against. He claims that he is the protector of fathers, but I feel that it is at the expense of the best interest of the child. Anyway, last Saturday, we were threatened that this attorney was going to do an amber alert so that Lola would be found and returned to the father. I had a dream that night that someone was looking through the front door and then just broke in and grabbed Lola from us. It's amazing what things your mind can think of. We finally realized that we needed to undo the adoption and return Lola to Portia. Our attorney had written the relinquishment paperwork up in such a way that if the birth father were to step in and try to get custody of Lola, we could undo the adoption and give custody back to Portia. The birth father's attorney was trying to get a court order to come and serve us paper and take Lola, but it was the weekend so they would not be able to do that. We needed a judges signature as well and so we would not be able to undo the adoption until Tuesday because Monday was Columbus Day.
Saturday was pretty difficult and I just felt so numb and empty all day. I went to the temple and received clarity and strength, but bawled my eyes out for the first time. In my mind, I thought that we would be able to be sealed to Lola in the Ogden temple. To think that that might not happen was heartbreaking. On my way home, I just prayed to Heavenly Father, "....If I supposed to return Lola to Portia, please help me to let her go because I cannot do it alone." On Monday, I was struggling quite a bit about what was going to happen the next morning. I was crying so hard that I started hyperventilating and couldn't breathe. Ron was going to give Lola a blessing, but he asked me if I wanted a blessing first. It took me a few minutes to settle down where I could breath. I then was able to hold Lola while Ron gave her a beautiful blessing. She was blessed that she will have angels round about her to guard and protect her from the evil that may be around her. She was blessed that she will have the opportunity to learn the gospel in her life. It was a beautiful blessing and it filled my heart with peace. Tuesday morning, Ron was putting Lola in her car seat to take her to Portia. Reese just woke up and came to say goodbye to Lola. She gave her a kiss and then kept asking Ron and I, "Where is baby Lola going?" I told her that she was going to go visit Portia. Reese then said, "Lola's going to the hospital. She's probably going to go play with all the babies in the nursery." Ahhhh, I love this sweet girl of mine. Ron took Lola down to Portia's and dropped her off. At one point, we thought that if Portia was now going to fight the birth father in a custody battle, we could watch Lola at our house, while the birth mother worked, to make sure that she is okay and has food, diapers, wipes, a bed, etc. With all the threats that we were receiving from the birth father's attorney, our attorney suggested that we do not bring Lola home with us. Anyway, Ron dropped Lola off with her stuff to Portia and had a quick visit and then left. I thought I would be bawling my eyes out, but I had a peaceful feeling that she would return soon. It is that same peaceful feeling that has been carrying us through this roller coaster of emotion we have been experiencing.
The most difficult part of this whole experience is that it still isn't over. I hold onto hope until their is no hope left. We continue to pray that Lola will be able to return to our family. We still hope that Portia will be able to get custody of Lola and then place her for adoption. We are grateful for all the prayers that are offered on our behalf.
One thing I have to mention real quick is how much I love my Reese, Nora, and Lola. They are truly 3 peas in a pod. Reese loves to hold Lola and Nora loves to give her kisses. They have never been jealous of her, but they always want to know where she is at at all times:) Lola always knows when her sisters are in the room. If she hears their voices, she is scanning the room to find them. They have loved cuddling with their little sister and now that she is gone, they pray for her every morning, at every meal, and every night. I don't know why, but they prayers of my little ones always seem to carry more weight than my own. They are so pure and full of faith.
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
D&C 123:17
I started this post last Friday.....
So this past week has been a refining week. It seems that we have just been waiting to hear what is going to happen next. A lot of people have asked me how I am doing and I can honestly say that I am doing fine. The spirit has been abundant in our home and we have just felt a peace and calmness about everything. As Ron and I were talking tonight, we both had the feeling this week like I had spoken of in D&C 123:17,".....stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God." We have been faced with the birth father's attorney who is less than kind and trying to attack and bully us. With everything that has been going on this week, I just keep thinking of the " Strength of the Lord". I thought of how Laban was delivered up unto Nephi. how the Lamanites were delivered up unto the Nephites, I thought of Captain Moroni and how he went forth with the title of liberty, and how in the strength of the Lord, Helaman fought with his 2,000 stripling warriors to the aid of Antipus and defeated the Lamanites. In the strength of the Lord, miracles are performed and His hand is revealed. At first, I thought this week was just a week of waiting, but last night as I was praying, I felt that this week of waiting has been more important than the previous weeks of working. Both are important, but I realized that as I was waiting, I wasn't just waiting to see what would happen next. This was time that Heavenly Father was performing his works which are more powerful than anything I could do. I have said for a long time that the Lord wants my heart. By that, I mean, He wants my desires to be turned to Him. He wants my desires to be the same as His. Anyway, I realized that once we have worked and done all we can do and have turned our hearts over to Heavenly Father, then He can perform miracles. This was a testimony builder of how Heavenly Father knows all and has all power. I'm not sure if the miracle will be that we are able to adopt Lola, if hearts will be softened, if Heavenly Father will give me the strength and understanding to let Lola go, or it could be a myriad of things. All I know is that He has my heart and I trust that whatever comes is Heavenly Father's will and he knows what is best for me. I have used this quote many times, but I wanted to post it once more because I love it.
"Even if and when we seem to have squeezed out the last full measure of our devotion, an omniscient and perfectly empathetic God not only knows the difficulties through which we have passed and are passing but also knows if any residue of unused devotion still remains to further the process!" -Elder Maxwell
Only Heavenly Father knows what we need to further the process. To become like Him. I am so grateful for these trials and experiences that strengthen my faith and my testimony. I have also realized how amazing my life is. Here are a few things that I am grateful for......
- I am grateful for my amazing husband that honors His priesthood and has been my rock.
-I am grateful for Reese and Nora and that they are mine for eternity.
-I am grateful to be a mother. Nothing brings me greater joy than to be the mother of my sweet girls.
-I am grateful for Lola and for her ability to expand my ability to love and sacrifice.
- I am grateful for my amazing family and the love and support that they give us.
- I am grateful for our amazing friends that love and serve in any way that they can.
-I am grateful for prayer. Thank you for every prayer that was offered on our behalf. We felt every single one of them and we have been "....encircled in the arms of His love."
- I am grateful for previous trials that have prepared me for this one.
- I am grateful for the Holy Ghost which has guided us every step of the way.
-I am grateful for all of our sweet friends that have brought over meals, taken my girls, brought over cookies, gifts, etc.
- I am grateful for Stephanie and Scott Steiner. Words cannot express how much I love these 2 amazing people.
There are many more things that I am grateful for, but all I am saying is that I have a good life and I am thankful for all the amazing people in it. Especially Ron, Reese, and Nora!!
So this past week has been a refining week. It seems that we have just been waiting to hear what is going to happen next. A lot of people have asked me how I am doing and I can honestly say that I am doing fine. The spirit has been abundant in our home and we have just felt a peace and calmness about everything. As Ron and I were talking tonight, we both had the feeling this week like I had spoken of in D&C 123:17,".....stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God." We have been faced with the birth father's attorney who is less than kind and trying to attack and bully us. With everything that has been going on this week, I just keep thinking of the " Strength of the Lord". I thought of how Laban was delivered up unto Nephi. how the Lamanites were delivered up unto the Nephites, I thought of Captain Moroni and how he went forth with the title of liberty, and how in the strength of the Lord, Helaman fought with his 2,000 stripling warriors to the aid of Antipus and defeated the Lamanites. In the strength of the Lord, miracles are performed and His hand is revealed. At first, I thought this week was just a week of waiting, but last night as I was praying, I felt that this week of waiting has been more important than the previous weeks of working. Both are important, but I realized that as I was waiting, I wasn't just waiting to see what would happen next. This was time that Heavenly Father was performing his works which are more powerful than anything I could do. I have said for a long time that the Lord wants my heart. By that, I mean, He wants my desires to be turned to Him. He wants my desires to be the same as His. Anyway, I realized that once we have worked and done all we can do and have turned our hearts over to Heavenly Father, then He can perform miracles. This was a testimony builder of how Heavenly Father knows all and has all power. I'm not sure if the miracle will be that we are able to adopt Lola, if hearts will be softened, if Heavenly Father will give me the strength and understanding to let Lola go, or it could be a myriad of things. All I know is that He has my heart and I trust that whatever comes is Heavenly Father's will and he knows what is best for me. I have used this quote many times, but I wanted to post it once more because I love it.
"Even if and when we seem to have squeezed out the last full measure of our devotion, an omniscient and perfectly empathetic God not only knows the difficulties through which we have passed and are passing but also knows if any residue of unused devotion still remains to further the process!" -Elder Maxwell
Only Heavenly Father knows what we need to further the process. To become like Him. I am so grateful for these trials and experiences that strengthen my faith and my testimony. I have also realized how amazing my life is. Here are a few things that I am grateful for......
- I am grateful for my amazing husband that honors His priesthood and has been my rock.
-I am grateful for Reese and Nora and that they are mine for eternity.
-I am grateful to be a mother. Nothing brings me greater joy than to be the mother of my sweet girls.
-I am grateful for Lola and for her ability to expand my ability to love and sacrifice.
- I am grateful for my amazing family and the love and support that they give us.
- I am grateful for our amazing friends that love and serve in any way that they can.
-I am grateful for prayer. Thank you for every prayer that was offered on our behalf. We felt every single one of them and we have been "....encircled in the arms of His love."
- I am grateful for previous trials that have prepared me for this one.
- I am grateful for the Holy Ghost which has guided us every step of the way.
-I am grateful for all of our sweet friends that have brought over meals, taken my girls, brought over cookies, gifts, etc.
- I am grateful for Stephanie and Scott Steiner. Words cannot express how much I love these 2 amazing people.
There are many more things that I am grateful for, but all I am saying is that I have a good life and I am thankful for all the amazing people in it. Especially Ron, Reese, and Nora!!
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Adoption update...
A lot of people have been wondering what is going on with our adoption and so I thought I would write this post to better explain. On Thursday, we were a bit torn on finding out that the birth father had hired an attorney and finding out that we really didn't have a case. On Friday, when Ron was on his way to the temple, he received a call from P and she was asking if there was any way that we could contest what the birth father was doing? Ron asked if that is what she thinks we need to do and she said yes. When Ron got home from the temple, he said that he felt like we needed to move forward with the adoption. We were not sure if that meant that we needed to go to court or what we needed to do, but we felt like we needed to keep moving forward in faith. I agreed. We listened to conference and were more confident in our decision. I absolutely loved conference. The spirit was very strong and I received so much personal revelation. Ron and I had talked about how up to this point, things had been difficult, but the things the spirit has guided us to do have been relatively easy to follow. Ron was telling me that going to court with somebody is what he feared the Spirit would guide us to do and now we were being guided to move forward in that direction. We still were not sure if we would even be able to go to court, but we knew that is what we were willing to do if it came to it. On Sunday, Ron was kinda having a difficult time just staying optimistic about everything and felt like a dark cloud hung over him. The bishop was inspired to come over and give Ron a blessing. I'm not sure what was said in Ron's blessing because Reese started tooting up a storm (Yep, that is real life at our house) and I took her into the other room. After the blessing, the weight of everything seemed to be lifted off of his shoulders and he was able to move forward.
On Monday, we learned from our lawyer that our adoption case had now turned into a custody battle between the birth father and birth mother and there was nothing we could do. Lola would go back to P and she could get an attorney to help her get custody. The only way that we would be able to adopt Lola would be if the birth father backed off and gave his consent for us to adopt. P just got a full-time job and there was no way she could take care of Lola while trying to get her life back together. I just wanted to make sure Lola was safe and cared for and so we decided to take care of her and love her for as long as we could. I still have faith that she will be able to stay with us and be a part of our family. So now we just wait and have faith. We have done all we can do and now we learn patience and wait upon the Lord.
On Monday, we learned from our lawyer that our adoption case had now turned into a custody battle between the birth father and birth mother and there was nothing we could do. Lola would go back to P and she could get an attorney to help her get custody. The only way that we would be able to adopt Lola would be if the birth father backed off and gave his consent for us to adopt. P just got a full-time job and there was no way she could take care of Lola while trying to get her life back together. I just wanted to make sure Lola was safe and cared for and so we decided to take care of her and love her for as long as we could. I still have faith that she will be able to stay with us and be a part of our family. So now we just wait and have faith. We have done all we can do and now we learn patience and wait upon the Lord.
Monday, October 6, 2014
October 5th, 2014
I have been trying to write down all that has been going on lately, but I have failed to write down the spiritual experiences. I feel bad that I have vented on previous posts, but I wanted to clarify something...I truly love the birth mother and the birth father. As we have prayed for them every day over the past few months, we have felt how much Heavenly Father loves them and wants them to return to Him. I want to testify that I know Heavenly Father is watching over us and His hand is involved in every step of this adoption. Although things have not gone as we have planned, I am grateful for this experience. The Spirit has been with us in abundance and has continually guided us. I do not know what is going to happen to our sweet Lola, but I know that all will be okay. Every time we had a serious setback, it seemed like I felt the spirit more abundantly reassuring me with peace and comfort. It is an interesting feeling to be told that we don't have a case and Lola will be taken from our home and yet feel so much peace that everything will still be alright. I know that we have done everything we can do and have submitted our will to Heavenly Father. I trust that He knows what is best. It's amazing how when you do the best you can do and then place your faith in Heavenly Father, you can feel confidence and reassurance for the future. You don't have to wonder if you are doing the right thing because Heavenly Father has already let you know of His will. We just need to be patient.
This past week, we have been guided so much. I tried so hard to live worthy of the Spirit and make any changes I could to be able to receive greater personal revelation. I was scared of doing anything that would offend the Spirit in fear that I would miss the revelation we needed to know what to do for our Lola. I truly feel humbled that Heavenly Father would sanctify me this way. P's angel of a roommate E'lle called Stephanie and told her that she and her family were going to start fasting on Thursday evening at 7:00pm until they finished their 7:00pm temple session on Friday night. Stephanie and Scott had joined them in this special fast and I did as well. I believe our bishopric fasted as well. I mentioned it to Ron and he was just getting off of his 6th fast in the past couple of weeks. Yes, he is amazing! I truly am amazed at the faith of others. I am humbled beyond belief that others care enough about us to fast for us. We have been richly blessed by the faith of others. I have to mention that when I had ended the fast on Friday night, I took our dog out for a walk late at night. The stars were so bright and I felt just felt so close to my Father in Heaven. I knew he was there and as I was praying about some of the promptings I had received, I saw a shooting star in the sky. I love shooting stars and don't see them very often, but I knew that Heavenly Father was aware of everything we were doing to try to bring Lola to our family. The scripture that came to my mind was...."Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed." (D&C 123:17) He has all power and I we will wait patiently.
We have felt your prayers and I know that is why we can go about our day in joy and peace.
I honestly don't think about Lola leaving us very often. I realized that there are a lot of things that I cannot control, but what I can control is this: I can be the best possible mom to my girls, I can make sure that Lola knows what it feels like to be a part of a family, I can provide a safe and peaceful home for Lola to live in, and I can love Lola with all my heart for as long as I have the opportunity. That is something I can do. I am grateful for all those that have reached out to us and have done what they can do. I have been amazed at the service rendered by our wonderful friends and family. Thank you to those that have picked up my girls for play dates, brought us food, picked up diapers for us, called to check up on us, dropped by with cookies and to visit, sent meals to Stephanie and Scott, brought treats to Reese and Nora, fasted for us, prayed for us, put our names on the temple prayer roll, gave us blessings, and just sent sweet texts! My heart is full and I am so grateful to be blessed with so many loving people in our life. Whatever happens, I truly have such an amazing life.
Love you!!
This past week, we have been guided so much. I tried so hard to live worthy of the Spirit and make any changes I could to be able to receive greater personal revelation. I was scared of doing anything that would offend the Spirit in fear that I would miss the revelation we needed to know what to do for our Lola. I truly feel humbled that Heavenly Father would sanctify me this way. P's angel of a roommate E'lle called Stephanie and told her that she and her family were going to start fasting on Thursday evening at 7:00pm until they finished their 7:00pm temple session on Friday night. Stephanie and Scott had joined them in this special fast and I did as well. I believe our bishopric fasted as well. I mentioned it to Ron and he was just getting off of his 6th fast in the past couple of weeks. Yes, he is amazing! I truly am amazed at the faith of others. I am humbled beyond belief that others care enough about us to fast for us. We have been richly blessed by the faith of others. I have to mention that when I had ended the fast on Friday night, I took our dog out for a walk late at night. The stars were so bright and I felt just felt so close to my Father in Heaven. I knew he was there and as I was praying about some of the promptings I had received, I saw a shooting star in the sky. I love shooting stars and don't see them very often, but I knew that Heavenly Father was aware of everything we were doing to try to bring Lola to our family. The scripture that came to my mind was...."Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed." (D&C 123:17) He has all power and I we will wait patiently.
We have felt your prayers and I know that is why we can go about our day in joy and peace.
I honestly don't think about Lola leaving us very often. I realized that there are a lot of things that I cannot control, but what I can control is this: I can be the best possible mom to my girls, I can make sure that Lola knows what it feels like to be a part of a family, I can provide a safe and peaceful home for Lola to live in, and I can love Lola with all my heart for as long as I have the opportunity. That is something I can do. I am grateful for all those that have reached out to us and have done what they can do. I have been amazed at the service rendered by our wonderful friends and family. Thank you to those that have picked up my girls for play dates, brought us food, picked up diapers for us, called to check up on us, dropped by with cookies and to visit, sent meals to Stephanie and Scott, brought treats to Reese and Nora, fasted for us, prayed for us, put our names on the temple prayer roll, gave us blessings, and just sent sweet texts! My heart is full and I am so grateful to be blessed with so many loving people in our life. Whatever happens, I truly have such an amazing life.
Love you!!
Friday, October 3, 2014
Lola is home
Well, life was wonderful for 2.5 days. Friday night, we brought Lola home and the girls absolutely adored her. They loved feeding her and holding her. I was little concerned about Nora and how she would feel about a new baby coming into our family, but she was awesome. She just kept saying, "baby, baby" and loved putting her finger in the middle of the binky when Lola was sucking on it. Nora is such a Mama's girl and so I was happy to see that she wanted to hold Lola. Actually, once she starts holding her, she does not want to let her go. We are working on the whole gentle part of holding a baby. Reese has special qualities that make her such an amazing big sister. She hates to see anyone cry and so whenever Lola would cry, Reese was running over to her to put her binky in her mouth and talk to her. It was so cute to hear her saying, "It's okay baby girl". I have found her gently pushing Lola in her swing to try to get her to fall asleep. One day I found Reese just leaning on the pack and play watching Lola sleep. She loves her baby sister.
So Saturday was great. We just spent the day at the house as a family. It has rained that day so it was a great day to watch movies and cuddle with our girls. Sunday came around and I stayed at home with Lola while Ron took Nora and Reese to church. Lola is such a good baby and she is just happy and content here. It was interesting to me that when P had Lola at the hotel, she said that Lola cried all through the night and was scared. Since she has been home with us, she has hardly cried at all. At night, she has by far been the easiest baby. At night, she sleeps great and wakes up about every 4 hours to eat and then goes back to sleep. She is perfect and we have loved having her in our home. She truly is a little piece of heaven.
I absolutely love these pictures of my 3 girls! They are 3 peas in a pod and send straight from heaven.
Early Monday morning, the stress began again. We were awaken around 4:00AM by a call from E'lle who notified us that P had been emailing the birth father and telling him that Lola needed him and she told him everything he needed to do to stop this adoption from happening. The birth father hadn't really done anything during P's pregnancy and he had told her he wasn't ready to be a father.When P notified the birth father of her plans to place the baby for adoption in Utah, the birth father had until October 5th to get Utah representation. He wouldn't have known that unless he actually really wanted Lola and did some serious research. Well, P spelled everything out for the birth father and when E'lle told us, I was so hurt. I was really trying to respond appropriately and stay in control of my emotions. I couldn't even cry because I was so mad. It was so cruel and back stabbing I wasn't even sure how to respond. I think we had gone to bed around 12:30 and got up at 4:00am. I had not had very many requests, but one of my only requests was that Reese and Nora do not need to be involved. I did not allow Lola to come to our house before P signed the papers because I didn't want Reese and Nora to possibly get hurt. When P did this, I felt so betrayed. Not only that, she now involved my girls and I admit I became a mama bear. Reese and Nora do not deserve to be hurt in any way. They will not understand why their baby sister is no longer with them if the birth father steps in. I was just so hurt and upset that she would do this. I have to add that Nora's birth mother reached out to P and let her stay with her on Sunday night when all this happened and then was taking her job and apartment hunting on Monday. (Yes, she is amazing!) I tried to be understanding of P and why she might possibly do this to us when she knew she did not want to get back with the birth father. We were hoping and praying that the birth father wouldn't do anything with the info he had been given because he hadn't come to the hospital when P had called him in the middle of the night asking him to come pick up herself and Lola. When we received this information Monday morning, I was holding Lola and just started to cry thinking about what kind of life might lie ahead for her. A very difficult life with unnecessary hardships. I told Ron that she may never get a Father's blessings or just get to be a kid and not worry about all the stresses of life as a child. Ron said, "I can give her a blessing right now."' He blessed her with such amazing things and I just remember feeling the Spirit so strong. We were planning on helping P get a job and find a place to stay and get her life back in order. I didn't want Sadie to get involved in all the drama, but she wanted to help and she wanted P to not run away from what was going on, but face it. She told her to write a list of all the facts. She told her that it didn't matter why she did it, but what were the facts. Such as, the birth father was not coming to save her, she asked him to pick her up when she was supposed to be relinquishing her rights and he said no. She said she could not provide for Lola, she didn't have a job, a place to stay, etc. We finally talked on the phone and I just explained to her my feelings. I hate confrontation, but I just told P. When you told the birth father everything he needed to do to undo this adoption, it felt like a stab in the back. If you and the birth father had decided to raise this baby together before you signed, great. It would be difficult, but we would eventually get over it. I haven't asked for much, but I did not want Reese and Nora to be hurt by this adoption. They are young and they will not understand if their baby sister is taken from them once Lola is placed in our home. That is why I did not allow Lola to come to our home until P had relinquished her rights. I told her that she has now possibly involved my girls and I am not okay with that. They do not deserve to be emotionally hurt. I think I had my first Mama Bear moment and I realized that I am really protective over my children. Throughout this adoption, I have worked really hard to make sure that they do not feel the stress and pressures that are upon Ron and I, but that they will be able to just live their usual carefree happy lives. Anyway, with all that was going on, I still felt a peace and a calmness that everything was going to be okay.We tried to just forgive P and hope for the best. She had no place to stay and so we booked her a room at a hotel for a week and got her a bus pass so she could go to job interviews and get set up with LDSFS. The next day, P sent me an email apologizing for what she did and for not thinking of Reese and Nora. It was truly a heartfelt apology and I could feel how sincere she was. I felt so bad for P. She was trying to make the right choices in her life for her and Lola, but they were extremely difficult and she kept making things more difficult on herself. There were so many people all around us that wanted to help her, but she ran away from them and now was alone again. I had friends bringing her dinners with sweet notes of love and support, friends that invited her over to their house for lunch just as a distraction for her, and friends that were offering her different ways to make some money until she could find a job. I felt so bad that she was so alone and just prayed that she would know that her Heavenly Father had not forgotten her and that we would help her the best we could without enabling her. Ron had shared to Portia and Sadie one night that it is because of them that he gets to be a father and I hope she can have confidence in knowing what an important role that is to give someone that blessing.
Well, Wednesday came around and the attorney called Ron late that night. He told us that the birth father had hired an attorney and that this attorney had taken one case all the way to the Supreme Court The attorney pretty much told us that we didn't have a case against the birth father. I just don't understand how a birth father can do nothing for the 9 months the birth mother is pregnant with your child and then step in 1 week after Lola is born and pay possibly $500 in attorney fees and he gets Lola. It was the last huge blow and Ron was afraid to tell me in fear of how I would react. It was weird because I knew that this was a very serious thing, but I couldn't process what was going on and I felt unusually calm. I wasn't sure why I was feeling so calm and if it was the Spirit calming me or if I just didn't want to believe what was coming. That night, Ron and I again just knelt in prayer and pleaded with Heavenly Father to know what to do. We had been guided every step of the way and felt like we headed all the promptings we had received since Lola was pretty much conceived. We will do whatever He asks of us, but we didn't know what that was at this time. We prayed that the birth father's heart would be softened and that he would think about what was best for Lola. Ron had written the birth father a letter a few weeks ago when the birth mother was still in New York. We had just wanted to talk to him and let him know that he did not need to feel threatened by us, but that we would love to get to know him and hopefully have an open adoption with him as well. He didn't want to meet with anyone nor talk to a caseworker or lawyer and so we didn't get the chance to give him the letter. Anyway, the birth mother emailed him the letter a couple days ago, but he said he wasn't interested in reading it. When I read it, I started crying. I just felt the spirit so strong and I knew how long Ron had been praying for the birth father. Before we knew anything of the birth father, he always told me how he just felt he had a good heart. Here is the letter Ron sent.......
(The Birth Father's name),
It’s difficult to write a letter to someone I’ve not had a chance to meet yet. I don’t know exactly
what to say or how to say it, but I wanted to share some of the feelings I’ve had as my family
and I have prayed for you every day for these past few weeks. Even though I don’t know much
about you, I can feel that you have a good heart. I feel badly that you’ve been out of the loop
and I can imagine that it must feel like we’ve been trying to do things behind your back. I can
assure you that wasn’t what we wanted to do. We mistakenly thought you weren’t interested in
being involved - that was obviously wrong, and I’m very sorry about that. As a father, I would be
so very hurt if someone assumed that I didn’t care for one of my little girls. It was unfair of me to
do that to you...please accept my apology.
I hope you’ve had a chance to see the photos of our family and see our profile. We have two
beautiful little girls, Reese & Nora. They are the most wonderful little girls in the world! At least
for us they are. We went through a great deal to have them come to our home, and I won’t
share the long stories, but there is no doubt in my mind that God intended for them to be part of
our family. His power was needed to bring them to us.
I would like to tell you how we came to meet Portia.
My wife is a very spiritually sensitive person—much more than I am. She occasionally has
dreams with deep meaning, while my dreams never mean anything. Back in March she had a
dream that we had another little girl coming to us, and that she was already “on the way.” She
told me about the dream and the next day she reminded me how strongly she felt about it. I
agreed that we should get going on our paperwork with LDS Family Services.
Most people don’t know this, but applying for adoption is a very long process. From the time we
start paperwork until our profile is online can take several months. We have to take classes, get
recommendation letters, fill out forms, the last goes on and on. And then after that, it takes on
average 2 years before someone chooses you. But because of Darcee’s dream and other
spiritual promptings, we pushed through as quickly as we could and got our profile up in just a
few months. Our profile was put online late at night on Wednesday August 13th, then two days
later Portia found our profile and emailed us. We felt the Spirit strongly as we talked with her
and talked about your baby. I know Portia didn’t take things lightly, and she spent many hours
and had many spiritual experiences that led her to us. The decision to adopt or place your child
with another family for adoption has to be one of the most difficult decisions a person can ever
make. It is also one of the most selfless and loving things that any person can do. Because of
people like that, people like us can have families. I can’t begin to tell you what that means to us.
I believe that God is involved in this. And I believe that He will tell you His will if you ask
Him. I know that you have spoken with Heavenly Father and He has answered your prayers
many times. And I know He will again - He wants you to be happy. I really have prayed for you
every night and morning for the past three or four weeks and I feel His love for you. We would
like nothing better than to have a friendship with you, if you are open to it. I know that I can’t
make this decision for you, I’m not trying to. I just want you to know how I feel about things -
that we are trying to do what we feel is right and what is God’s will for His new little daughter
who is coming to earth very soon! We hope to talk to you soon.
In All Sincerity and Love,
Ron
So Saturday was great. We just spent the day at the house as a family. It has rained that day so it was a great day to watch movies and cuddle with our girls. Sunday came around and I stayed at home with Lola while Ron took Nora and Reese to church. Lola is such a good baby and she is just happy and content here. It was interesting to me that when P had Lola at the hotel, she said that Lola cried all through the night and was scared. Since she has been home with us, she has hardly cried at all. At night, she has by far been the easiest baby. At night, she sleeps great and wakes up about every 4 hours to eat and then goes back to sleep. She is perfect and we have loved having her in our home. She truly is a little piece of heaven.
I absolutely love these pictures of my 3 girls! They are 3 peas in a pod and send straight from heaven.
(The Birth Father's name),
It’s difficult to write a letter to someone I’ve not had a chance to meet yet. I don’t know exactly
what to say or how to say it, but I wanted to share some of the feelings I’ve had as my family
and I have prayed for you every day for these past few weeks. Even though I don’t know much
about you, I can feel that you have a good heart. I feel badly that you’ve been out of the loop
and I can imagine that it must feel like we’ve been trying to do things behind your back. I can
assure you that wasn’t what we wanted to do. We mistakenly thought you weren’t interested in
being involved - that was obviously wrong, and I’m very sorry about that. As a father, I would be
so very hurt if someone assumed that I didn’t care for one of my little girls. It was unfair of me to
do that to you...please accept my apology.
I hope you’ve had a chance to see the photos of our family and see our profile. We have two
beautiful little girls, Reese & Nora. They are the most wonderful little girls in the world! At least
for us they are. We went through a great deal to have them come to our home, and I won’t
share the long stories, but there is no doubt in my mind that God intended for them to be part of
our family. His power was needed to bring them to us.
I would like to tell you how we came to meet Portia.
My wife is a very spiritually sensitive person—much more than I am. She occasionally has
dreams with deep meaning, while my dreams never mean anything. Back in March she had a
dream that we had another little girl coming to us, and that she was already “on the way.” She
told me about the dream and the next day she reminded me how strongly she felt about it. I
agreed that we should get going on our paperwork with LDS Family Services.
Most people don’t know this, but applying for adoption is a very long process. From the time we
start paperwork until our profile is online can take several months. We have to take classes, get
recommendation letters, fill out forms, the last goes on and on. And then after that, it takes on
average 2 years before someone chooses you. But because of Darcee’s dream and other
spiritual promptings, we pushed through as quickly as we could and got our profile up in just a
few months. Our profile was put online late at night on Wednesday August 13th, then two days
later Portia found our profile and emailed us. We felt the Spirit strongly as we talked with her
and talked about your baby. I know Portia didn’t take things lightly, and she spent many hours
and had many spiritual experiences that led her to us. The decision to adopt or place your child
with another family for adoption has to be one of the most difficult decisions a person can ever
make. It is also one of the most selfless and loving things that any person can do. Because of
people like that, people like us can have families. I can’t begin to tell you what that means to us.
I believe that God is involved in this. And I believe that He will tell you His will if you ask
Him. I know that you have spoken with Heavenly Father and He has answered your prayers
many times. And I know He will again - He wants you to be happy. I really have prayed for you
every night and morning for the past three or four weeks and I feel His love for you. We would
like nothing better than to have a friendship with you, if you are open to it. I know that I can’t
make this decision for you, I’m not trying to. I just want you to know how I feel about things -
that we are trying to do what we feel is right and what is God’s will for His new little daughter
who is coming to earth very soon! We hope to talk to you soon.
In All Sincerity and Love,
Ron
Thursday, October 2, 2014
My Rock....
I just have to say that I love my husband more than ever. I am even more grateful for him after everything that has happened this past week. When all the stresses started last Tuesday night, Ron knew that I needed to be with the girls at night and so he stayed at the hospital. Whenever anything very stressful or traumatic happens in our family, my reaction is to hold my girls. One of my biggest fears is that someone or something will take them away from me and so I just have to hold them. Ron didn't get much sleep that night and was up and doing things early Wednesday morning. Throughout Wednesday when it looked like Portia was not going to sign and I was freaking out, He was just so stable and calm. He had the Spirit with him the whole time and always knew exactly what to say in stressful moments. He was constantly on the phone with lawyers and didn't leave the hospital for 3 1/2 days. On Thursday, he woke up early to comfort Portia and help her out. When I got to the hospital and everything started falling apart, I was beside myself and was getting so upset that I just had to walk the hospital. He took me aside and just asked me to pray with him. The Spirit was overwhelming and I felt so grateful for Ron and His righteous influence in our family. I was so grateful that He stayed at the hospital and let me come home with the girls. He is so selfless , patient, and has such an understanding heart. He always stayed in control of his emotions and really tried to understand what Portia was going through. It truly seemed like he had angels with him. I know he needed the help of heaven to do what he did this week and I know he was blessed with help. He probably slept about 3-4 hours a night and went days without seeing our girls.
I have truly felt in a new way the power that comes from a covenant marriage. Throughout the past couple of weeks, we have prayed more together, sacrificed more together, fasted together, and knelt down just pleading for help and guidance. I know trials can sometimes destroy a marriage, but I am grateful for Ron and that our marriage has been strengthened. He is the greatest dad and I am so grateful He is mine for eternity.
I have truly felt in a new way the power that comes from a covenant marriage. Throughout the past couple of weeks, we have prayed more together, sacrificed more together, fasted together, and knelt down just pleading for help and guidance. I know trials can sometimes destroy a marriage, but I am grateful for Ron and that our marriage has been strengthened. He is the greatest dad and I am so grateful He is mine for eternity.
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