Christmas Eve 2016

Christmas Eve is something I always look forward to. We always go over to Ron's parent's house around 4:00PM for a nice prime rib dinner. After dinner, we go downstairs and the kids play the bells to Christmas songs, we sing Christmas hymns, the kids act out the nativity story as Grandpa reads Luke 2, Ron reads "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" in his best Grinchy voice, and Grandpa reads "Twas the night before Christmas". It is a wonderful night full of the Spirit, fun, and family. When we get home from Grandma and Grandpa's house, the kids change into their pajamas and we put out milk and cookies for Santa. After the kids got all ready for bed, they received an unexpected guest. Scott and Jack were on our front porch with gifts from Santa. He always brings the shutterfly books that I make for them and then we read them together before we go to bed that night. After we put the kids to bed, we got busy pulling out gifts from Santa and finished getting the stockings ready. I have to say that this is one of the first years in a long time that I actually felt like I went to go to bed at a decent hour. I think last year,  I was up late putting  together a dollhouse. The year before, I was up until 4:00am putting together a kitchen. So it was really nice when Ron and I could have Christmas ready by 11:00pm and watch something together for a little while. (We don't go to bed before midnight. Although, I really should;) I have to admit that with all the stress that has been going on during the month of December, I shopped more than usual for the kids. Retail therapy is a real thing. I also felt so bad that the kids had to go through all of the disappointments of the twins not being here for Christmas that I ended up buying them more stuff. ha ha! Yeah, I know you can't buy there love, but at least it made me feel better. Anyway, I was excited for the kids to wake up on Christmas morning.

What mercies has He bestowed upon me?

Today I had some pretty powerful experiences that I feel like I need to write down so that I will always remember. This morning I woke up early to run and started off by praying. Yesterday, Reese had a rough day and I was losing my patience and yelled at her. I still felt bad this morning even after repenting last night. I was repenting again and thinking how much I need the spirit in my life right now. How much do I need to hear my Heavenly Father's voice. I remember thinking that I cannot be doing anything that makes me lose the spirit because I need His guidance more than ever. After praying, I started to read my scriptures. I am in Alma 33 and in v.16, it reads, ".......because they will not understand thy mercies which thou hast bestowed upon them because of thy Son." After reading this verse, I thought to myself, "What mercies has he bestowed upon me during our adoption effort?'
Here are a few of the things that came to mind.....
- Genesha contacting us
-Finding Jay
-Getting to be with the twins for a week in Pa
-Words spoken with Genesha at Jay's office
-Getting flights home so quickly
-My kids and ron at the airport
-Jay calling and finding a way to terminate Keffe's rights
- Steph and Nick
-Easing the concerns and tensions of Genesha
-Statute appealed
-Ron seeing the twins and spending the day with the Corfee family
-Steph and Nick deciding to care for the twins for 2 more weeks
- Easing Genesha's worries

I then started to think about how Ron and I needed to go on a date night and that we should go to the temple tomorrow. I remembered that Stephanie had given me a name back and I started to wonder if we could do a sealing tomorrow. I logged in to FamilySearch.org and started looking up this person. His name is Roy E. Shomer and he is my great grandfather. My grandma B's father. It looked like there was a sealing that needed to be performed and there were also a lot of other work that I needed to do from his line. As I thought about doing this person's sealing, I remembered back when we adopted Nora and I felt like my Grandma K was helping us on the other side to be able to adopt Nora. Right after this thought came to my mind, I felt like I was encircled about with love, the Spirit, Heavenly angels, I guess you could say. I can't exactly explain the feeling, but it was as if I was encircled about by angels and I felt that is was Roy Shomer and descendants from that side of the family that filled my heart with so much love. The feelings that came to my heart was, "We are here for you too." The spirit was so strong that I started to hyperventilate a little and to sob. This feeling lasted for at least 5 minutes. Ron came upstairs so we could pray before he left for work and I began to tell him what just happened. The spirit was still so strong that I just sobbed as I told him. I didn't want this feeling to leave and so I didn't even turn on the tv for the rest of my run. I just continued to thank Heavenly Father for thy mercies and this experience. I realized that from this experience, The atonement is real. I needed to feel the spirit and I was so scared that I had offended the spirit and wouldn't be able to feel the spirit for a while, but I know that the atonement is real. Repentance works, and we can be forgiven. I know this because I felt the spirit again shortly after repenting. My testimony of prayer was strengthened. I had been praying to feel the spirit and prayed to know "What mercies had He bestowed upon me?" He answered with something that is more than I ever imagined.
He has bestowed so many mercies upon me and just when I don't know what else I could do to bring Gemma and Eli home, Heavenly Father blesses me with His grace and mercy. He shows me that I have many Heavenly angels looking out for me and helping us to bring the babies home. We are not alone. When Heavenly Father blesses us with His grace, He blesses us with Heavenly help. Not only has He blessed us with earthly angels, such as Steph and Nick, but He has blessed us with Heavenly angels as well. I felt them as sure as I have felt anything tangible. After this experience, I had the desire to do the family lines work. I texted Stephanie and asked her to find a specific woman andshe found this person, as well as a lot of other family members. The hearts of the children shall be turned to their father's and the hearts of the father's shall turn to their father's.

adoption update

Continuing on.....
That month of December was wonderful because it was Christmas time, but also very difficult. Although, I love December and was enjoying all of the holiday festivities, I had so much anxiety. I started to analyze everything I said and did. I started to think that if I did not say and do everything perfectly, this adoption would fall through. I started thinking that my works were not enough. Finally, one day, I was on the treadmill, and was reading in Ether 12. I realized that I always pray that the birth mother would be filled with grace. That strengthening and enabling power to do what she could not do on her own. I knew that placing a child for adoption is one of the most difficult things you can ever do, but something that I realized during this past month is that I need our Savior's grace more than ever. This adoption was not brought about because of my perfect works, for I can't do enough to earn the right to be the twins mother, but this adoption was brought about because of a loving Heavenly Father. He knew that these twins belonged in our family and He brought Genesha and our family together. It seemed like very shortly after I felt the spirit and these truths were felt in my heart, I was able to let go of a lot of the anxiety that I felt about trying to be the perfect adoptive mother ALL THE TIME and always saying and doing the perfect thing. It seemed like my insecurities left and I was filled with faith and confidence again. I can't even explain how much I needed to feel our Heavenly Father's love and confidence throughout this past month. He has given me the strength and patience to keep moving forward having faith in Him.