The process will change you....

I have been very hesitant to write this post because it is very personal. I guess I have felt that if it somehow helps somebody else, then I probably should write it. Anyway, last week was an incredible week. I didn't do anything spectacular, but the promptings of the spirit were so strong and it truly is the peace that passeth all understanding. Lately, we have been trying to figure out what to do next in our attempts to start our family and I was thinking about how 2 years ago we received the promptings to try to adopt after a year of infertility treatments. In my weak moments, I start to think about how 3 years have gone by, 2 failed adoptions, and still no kids! Well, a couple weeks ago, I was in sacrament and received the strongest promptings. The words came into my head, "The adoption process wasn't about getting a baby, it was because the process will change you." I was overwhelmed not only to know that my Heavenly Father has never left me and knows exactly what I am going through, but I knew that the words that came into my head were true. I know this adoption process has truly changed me and is helping me to become what my Heavenly Father needs me to be. It is amazing to me how I can feel so much peace and hope when the trial is not over. Nothing has changed in terms of us starting our family, but it seems like everything has changed in terms of how I perceive waiting upon the Lord. Now, I am not saying that I don't cry over not having a baby because I would be lying or that I think it was right for the birthmom to keep the baby, but I have just learned that it is not always about the baby. I am so grateful for these promptings that help me to know that I can still feel the spirit. Sometimes I start to wonder if I have become desensitized to the promptings of the Holy Ghost so that is very comforting. As difficult as this has been, I love it. I love the things I am learning and I know it will bless my family later.