Not a failed adoption....

I have been meaning to write this for about a week and it just has not happened. I hope I am able to write this in a way that makes sense:) First of all, I have to write that I am not writing this post in a self righteous way at all. Moreover, it's something I am learning and am truly grateful for.
For the past little while I have really been trying to figure out what I am supposed to be learning from our adoption journey so far. Don't get me wrong, from our past misfortune, I have learned much about forgiveness, what it means to love unconditionally,how grateful I am for my husband, and many other things. I have just felt that I have not completely learned what I am supposed to. Last week, I feel like I am starting to get my answers.
I admit that when we first started trying to adopt, I was just so excited to adopt our baby and that was that. As we had our "failed adoption" in July, all Ron and I could do was try to be the best examples of a loving marriage, a couple that loves the gospel, and hopefully Cassie might work for that in her marriage one day. It's difficult sometimes to feel that my eternal family is dependent upon somebody elses agency, but I realized that there were things that I can control and it makes all the difference. I have been blessed to be able to come into contact with a few birthmothers and I realize that although I do not have any control whether the birthmom chooses to place her baby with us, I can hopefully help her to see how much Heavenly Father is aware of her individually and loves her. Ron and I can hopefully be examples of a loving marriage and the blessings of the temple. Hopefully she can feel how much we love her. I feel that if we do this, whether she chooses to place or parent,she might have felt our Heavenly Father's love and might draw nearer to Him. Becoming the best mom she can be for her baby. I can then say that it wasn't a "failed adoption" because we hopefully helped them some way find their way back to our Savior.
I have to admit that I have cried countless nights over not having children over the past 3 years. Ron truly is amazing and knows how to make me laugh, which seems to make everything better. We were reading our scriptures a couple nights ago and we were in 1 Nephi 11. I know in this verse it is talking about Nephi desiring to see what his father saw, but I always ask myself the same question:) In Verse 2 it says, "...what desirest thou?" Whenever I have read the word desire in the scriptures, I always think, "The Lord wants my heart." By this I mean, my greatest desires. He wants me to put Him first above all things that I desire most. I admit, I have not always been able to do this and have been quite selfish. As I read this, I noticed I had written motherhood on the side from sometime past. I then felt the Spirit whisper, "you have put caring for these birthmothers above your desire to be a mother. You have given me your heart." The things I am learning from this trial is truly changing me. I know if I love these birthmothers, Heavenly Father will take care of the rest. I am truly grateful for the simple whisperings of the Holy Ghost.